Summary:  The Winchester family is faced with something it never saw coming not even in their worst fears, especially Dean's.
A/N:  Yet, another take on the events following “Devil’s Trap.” This will be AU because this story will not follow the likely outcome of the season opener.
Disclaimer:  The characters of Supernatural were created by Eric Kripke. The show is owned by the CW network. No profit is being made.

“Missouri?” Dean’s voice shook and cracked in desperation.

“Oh, Dean, honey,” she soothed as images and thoughts assaulted her mind. Missouri could feel the panic and fear rolling off Dean. The tsunami of emotions was threatening to sweep her away until she closed off her mind to the onslaught hitting her.

“I know it’s late, but you’re the only person I could think to call,” his voice cracked. He still stood in the hallway unmoving. Sam had disappeared into the elevator and was headed to the ER.

“It’s okay,” Missouri comforted.

“I don’t know what to do Missouri,” Dean pleaded. “Dad’s in critical condition and Sammy’s on the way to the ER. I don’t know ...”

“Your daddy had a heart attack?” Missouri prodded. She had to see if she was in tune with Dean’s thoughts.

“Yeah, and Sammy…” Dean voice fell off. “I need…”

“Dean, honey I can be on the first plane to you.”

“Missouri?” Dean’s voice sounded lost.

“Dean, listen to me,” Missouri’s voice was gentle, but commanding. She had read his thoughts and knew everything she needed to know. “Go to the ER and be with Sam. Your father is in good hands right now,” she comforted. “I know you’re torn, but it’s gonna be okay. You hear me?” There was a long silent pause. “Boy, answer me! I’m not talkin’ to hear my own voice.” She knew she had to take the bull by the horns with Dean Winchester. “You hear me!”

“Yes, ma’am,” Dean’s voice was quiet.

“And, none of that ma’am crap either,” Missouri replied. “I will be on the first flight out of here, and don’t you worry about a thing.” Missouri jotted down hospital information and assured Dean she would be there.

Dean glanced at his watch as he snapped his cell phone closed. “Damn, it’s been twenty-minutes all ready.” He left for the elevator filled with a strong need to see his little brother.

The Emergency Room

Dean rushed from the elevator and headed toward the ER main desk. “My brother Sam Winchester was brought down from the second floor,” Dean was breathless. “Where is he?” A woman looked up from behind the desk clerk that was tapping Sam’s name into the computer.

“It’s okay Laura,” the woman patted her shoulder. “You’re the older brother?”

“Yeah….?” Dean eyed her. “Where is my brother?”

“Dr. Miles the resident that began treatment upstairs has turned the case over to your brother’s physician,” she glanced at her paperwork. “Ah, a Dr. Myers, correct?”

“She’s here all ready?”

“Yes, she was in town having dinner apparently when she received the page,” the woman smiled. “She was two blocks over … uncanny really.”

“You said my brother is in the MRI,” Dean’s eyes were anxious. “Should I go there?”

“No, Dr. Myers said she’d come get you here or up in CICU when she had some information for you. I’d suggest you just go back up to the waiting room in CICU and she’ll contact you there. I’m positive she’ll put your brother in ICU around the corner from CICU for observation purposes.” Dean felt torn yet again, but he knew the woman was right. “I doubt they’ll be back to the ER at this point. There is a treatment room across from the MRI should they need to treat your brother further before taking him to ICU.”

“Okay,” Dean answered absently. “And, she knows for sure that I’m in CICU?”

“Yes, she’s been made aware of your father’s status and that you’re in the unit.”

“Okay, thanks.” Dean wandered back to the elevator as if in a fog. He felt on sensory overload, and knew a crash was coming, but he couldn’t afford it right now. His entire family was in immediate danger and his thoughts were consumed by that one notion. His one comfort was that he knew Missouri was on her way. His relationship with the feisty woman from Lawrence had been a bit rocky, but he still felt she was the one person he could turn to for help and her psychic abilities might come in handy.

Dean was about to hit the button for the elevator, “Mr. Winchester!” He startled at the shout and turned to see the woman he had spoken to just a minute ago holding a phone away from her ear and her eyes looked concerned. Dean ran toward her.

“What is it?”

“You’re needed in the MRI Treatment Room … the doctor wasn’t specific, but she said she needed you right away. Here,” she said putting the phone down. “Follow me, those treatment rooms are hard to find.” Dean followed her all the while his heart pounding. As they approached a long vacant hallway accessible to medical staff Dean could hear his brother screaming his name.

Treatment Room MRI 2

Dean saw Dr. Myers and waved a thank you at the woman that led him here and he ran to Sam’s doctor. “Dean! Dean!” Sam’s yelled.

“Dean,” Dr. Myers saw the older brother approach.

“Let me in there he’s screaming for me,” Dean barked.

“He’s altered Dean … he regained consciousness shortly after the MRI and yanked his breathing tube before we could even stop him.” Dean stared at her.

“Altered?”

“It’s common after a lengthy seizure, but his reaction is a bit extreme” the doctor replied. “But, I thought I better have you come down. I just need you prepared.”

“Dean! I www…want my brother! Dean!” That was all Dean needed to hear and he burst into the room surprising the staff. He went to Sam’s side on the gurney. They had put restraints on him as he thrashed around.

“Sammy, shh…” Dean soothed as brushed back his brother’s bangs. “I’m right here, calm down Sammy.”

“Dean,” Sam’s voice quieted, but his eyes were frantic and slightly glassy. “Dad…”

“He’s holding his own Sammy. But, we gotta worry about you right now. You gotta calm down.” Sam lifted his head off the gurney pulling against the restraints.

“No,” Sam replied. “Dad’s in ttt…trouble.” His voice was a mere raspy whisper.

“Sam … dad’s holding his own.” Dean comforted. Sam looked at the medical staff standing nearby listening including Dr. Myers.

“I need to ttt…talk to hhh…him alone,” Sam forced out his eyes still holding their frantic and glassy appearance. Dean looked up at the staff, and Dr. Myers nodded to them to leave as she could see Dean was having a calming effect on Sam.

“Sammy?” Dean studied his brother.

“Vvv…vision Dean,” Sam whispered. “Dad … I saw a clock … it said 11:30 … I don’t know… ttt…they said it www…was another clot. They ddd…don’t catch it, Dean,” Sam’s voice hitched. “Save dad or he’ll die.” Dean’s eyes were intense as his eyes switched from his brother’s eyes to the wall clock in the room it was 11:00 PM and he bolted from the room. Dr. Myers and the staff just stared at his retreating figure and went back into the room with Sam who had settled down and no longer fought the restraints.

CICU

Connie spotted Dean as he hurried into the unit toward his father’s room. “Is something wrong? I heard about your brother is he all right?”

“My dad,” Dean looked at his father. “You have to get his doctor in here.”

“Dean, your father is as stable as he can be right now. He’s fine.” Dean turned stricken eyes toward Connie and the sheer vulnerability and desperation in them gave her a sense of alarm. “What is it?”

“Connie, please, I know this is going to sound wacko, but…” Dean didn’t know how to approach this, but his father was running out of time and if Sam’s vision was right their dad would die tonight and soon. “There’s another clot forming.”

“What?” Connie looked at her patient who’s vitals she had just checked and hadn’t noted anything additional wrong.

“Look you can think I’m nuts … I don’t care, but there is something happening and if it isn’t caught soon…” Dean turned his eyes from Connie and stared at his unconscious and very still father. His eyes glanced toward his father’s heart monitor. “There! What was that?” Connie’s eyes darted to the monitor.

“His rhythm is stable considering the heart attack.” She tried to reassure.

“No!” Dean insisted. “Please, just watch.” He knew he had seen something a little flicker, something was off. And, as he stared at it for what seemed like an eternity as the minutes ticked by … there it was again. “You saw that right?”

“Yeah,” Connie walked over to the monitor and started a tape printing. It was a brief ST elevation followed by a PVC and Connie was sure she had seen it. And, then the tape picked up another one. It was transient, but then John’s monitor showed a run of three PVC’s and she knew Dean was right … something was happening. The clock read 11:15.

Dr. Jay was given a STAT page to CICU, and he ran in from a nearby unit, and before Dean knew what was happening he was pushed from his father’s room and told to wait in the CICU waiting room. He had caught only the tail end of one of the doctor’s orders as he retreated to the waiting room … administer a Heparin Bolus 5,000 units. We gotta thin his blood.

CICU Waiting Room, 11:45 PM

“Dean?” And, he darted his eyes upward from the floor to look at Dr. Myers. He stood.

“How’s Sammy?”

“Much calmer. He was sleeping soundly in the ICU when I left. I gave him a mild sedative. I’m going to keep him there over night for observation, but I think I’ll be able to move him to neurology tomorrow and I’ll either release him in the late afternoon tomorrow or early the following day. I’ll decide tomorrow.”

“Release him?” Dean was taken aback. “He was blue. And foaming from his mouth,” he stared at the doctor wide-eyed. “What happened? That wasn’t like any seizure I’ve ever seen him have.”

“Sam suffered a grand mal seizure Dean.” It was the one thing Dean was hoping not to hear. “They aren’t easy to witness especially if you’re family. And, often people … well in a sense hold their breath while seizing, but his prolonged and from what I was told very violent sudden onset most likely caused the respiratory arrest, but he began spontaneously breathing on his own in the ER, and as you know subsequently pulled his own tube out before we could stop him.”

“I’ve looked at his new scan and the lesion on his brain isn’t that much bigger, and shouldn’t pose a grand mal threat. I will be adjusting his medication and adding another med to his daily regimen. I believe his emotional state may have exacerbated the problem.”

“He had an episode earlier in the ER when we were waiting. But, it only lasted maybe six minutes. It was just his arm and hand like usual. Did I screw up? Should I have got him to a doctor?”

“No, Dean,” Dr. Myers consoled. “You’ve been dealing with the Jacksonian seizures for awhile now, and you handle them properly. You could have never seen this coming. Look,” she paused. “I know you’ve got a lot to deal with right now with your father, but Sam is going to be okay. This won’t set him back. I’ve examined him and there doesn’t appear to be any permanent damage from this seizure. When he’s released though,” she began. “I’d like him to rest at home for at least a couple days.”

“Sure, I’ll have him tied down if he won’t stay put.” He replied as he rubbed a hand through his hair as a stress release. “Um, my dad’s doctor won’t let Sammy see him. He was going to call you tomorrow. Can you go make sure the doctor knows that Sam can handle seeing our dad?”

“Sure.”

“Ah, something was happening and they shoved me out … but they haven’t come back out.”

“How about I go see what’s up and I’ll talk to your father’s doctor. Who is it anyway?”

“Dr. Jay,” Dean supplied.

“Oh really,” she said with a smile. “I know his father quite well. I’ll go speak with him.”

“Thanks.” Dean watched the doctor walk out and he sat back down. He wanted to go see Sam, but he had to know if their father was okay. He was silently thankful for Sam’s vision, but cursing the fact it could have killed his brother when it coupled with a seizure. And, he was a little troubled by the nature of this vision. After all, the common triggers weren’t present … the demon or a link to another psychic kid. It was possible his abilities were growing, Dean thought. No matter the reason he felt thankful because their father would have probably died. But, right now he just wanted to know how his father was doing.

CICU Waiting Room, Midnight

Dean was exhausted as he heard voices and approaching footsteps. He stood up just as both Dr. Jay and Dr. Myers walked in. “Dean?” Dr. Myers spoke first. “I just wanted to tell you that Dr. Jay has no problems with Sam seeing your father once Sam’s released from the hospital and cleared off prescribed home rest.”

“Thanks, and what about my dad?” Dr. Myers turned to Dr. Jay.

“Well, that’s my queue to leave. I’m going to swing by ICU one last time to check in on Sam, and then I’ll be heading out. I’ll be back tomorrow to check on him … probably around 8:30 or 9:00.” Dean smiled and nodded. He turned his attention back to his father’s doctor.

“Well? How is he?”

“Alive,” Dr. Jay replied. “You know if that clot hadn’t been caught when it had your father was headed for a second attack, and in his condition it would have killed him.”

“But, he’s gonna be okay?”

“He’s stabilized. I’ve given him some anti-coagulants to thin his blood, and we’ve started him on a couple other IV meds,” the doctor commented. “He’s still in critical condition, but I’m hopeful.”

“Can I see him?”

“Well, I suppose, after all, Connie tells me you’re the one that brought her attention to his heart monitor. I’ll walk you in, so Connie doesn’t chase you off.”

“Thanks,” Dean replied.

“No problem,” Dr. Jay stopped and looked at Dean. “Um … I feel like I should apologize for earlier and my reaction to your brother. I was wrong. And, I didn’t know anything about your brother to make assumptions about him. Uh, I should have trusted your word about him. I asked Dr. Myers about him … I’m glad he’s going to be okay.”

Dean was still angry, but he cut the doctor some slack. He could tell the apology was genuine. “We all make mistakes Doc. Can I see my dad now?”

“Sure.”

Dean stood by his father’s side watching him. “Dad?” his voice was a mere whisper. “Looks like Sammy’s weird head saved your ass,” he commented with a slight smile. “Uh, don’t worry or anything okay. Sam sort of ended up in the ICU, but Dr. Myers says he’s just in over the night for observation. He’s gonna be fine. I’ll make sure he’s good.” Dean paused. “I called Missouri dad. I had to. I’m drowning and with Sam needing home rest when he leaves it’ll work out. I just can’t be in two places at once and right now I think you need me more.” Dean felt strange talking to his father like this. “I feel like I let Sammy down dad … I’ve hardly been there for him tonight, but you’re…” Dean picked up his father’s cool hand and held it. “You need to keep fighting dad for Sammy and … for me, okay? You promised you wouldn’t leave again.”

“Dean?” Connie stuck her head in. “I hate to cut your visit short, but the doctor ordered an echocardiogram for your father before he heads out for the night.”

“Oh, okay. Can I have one minute?”

“Sure.”

“Um, dad they’re shoving me out. I guess you’re having some test or something. Look Dad I’m going to tell your nurse that I’m going to be in ICU with Sammy. I’ll be back.”

Meanwhile, ICU, Sam’s Room

Sam was pulled from his sedated slumber with thoughts of his father. He didn’t know if he had been able to warn Dean in time, and the blatant lack of his big brother’s presence unnerved him. His room was quiet except for the quiet beep of his heart monitor and the occasional beep from his IV pump as it cycled. His room had a window and the moonlight filtered in through the closed blinds. He raised his head and looked around his room examining the shadows out of habit. He felt desperate for news about his father. He felt inadequate at being able to help is brother … and now he was in ICU, yet one more weight on his big brother’s all ready burdened shoulders. He felt his eyes start to burn with hot tears. He dropped his head back on his pillow his face wet with silent tears. He felt his hand and arm begin to twitch as a nurse walked in.

She saw he was awake as she entered. “I just wanted to check …” her voice trailed off when she saw the localized seizure activity and immediately referred to Sam’s chart to read the written doctor orders. She read the orders and proceeded to administer the medication that Dr. Myers had left charted should there be any seizure activity. “Its okay sweetie,” the nurse comforted. “This will fix you right up. It’s okay.” There was a noise at the door and the voice brought Sam’s head around on his pillow.

“What’s wrong? Is my brother okay?” Dean’s voice was alarmed.

“He was having a small Jacksonian seizure, but I just gave him some medication. He’ll be fine.” Dean looked at his little brother and saw his tear streaked face.

“Can I see him?”

“Of course. Just yell if you need anything.”

“Thanks.” Dean walked to Sam’s side instantly. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He hated seeing his brother’s tears.

“How’s dad?” Sam’s eyes were afraid.

“Well, psychic wonder … if it hadn’t been for your vision dad would have had another heart attack. They were able to stop it. He’s still critical, but he’s as stable as they can expect. Now, Mr. Change the Subject … what the hell’s going on? What has you so worked up?” Sam turned his face away as a shiver worked its way through his body.

“Nothing. I’m okay. Ggg…go be with dad. I’m ggg…good.”

“Hey, I just came from there okay, so I can’t see him again for another hour. I’m exactly where I want to be.” Sam shook his head.

“I’m sss…sorry,” he offered as he turned his eyes away.

“Sammy, what about? There isn’t anything to apologize for.”

“First Dad and then me,” Sam began.

“Stop right there kiddo,” Dean’s voice stern, yet gentle. “You had a vision Sam, and it mixed with a little seizure that turned into a big one. It wasn’t your fault. You got it?”

“But…”

“Don’t but me,” Dean chided. “It wasn’t your fault, and if it hadn’t been for that vision we would have lost dad. You saved his life Sammy.”

“You got him the hhh…help,” Sam added.

“Well, you told me what was wrong. Look,” Dean began as he studied his brother’s pale and tired features. “You’ve been through the ringer tonight … I want you to get some sleep. Um… I called Missouri Sammy,” Dean saw his little brother’s eyes go wide with surprise. “We need the help. The doc says you’re going to be on home rest for a couple of days or so and then you can see dad,” Dean explained. “And, that works out because Missouri can stay with you while I stay with dad.”

“I ddd…don’t need a babysitter,” Sam’s voice was soft and sounded defeated.

“She’s not here to babysit Sam,” Dean replied. “But, look man you had a grand mal seizure and I’m not messing around with that. If I let you stay home alone and you have one … you could die and you know it. Hell, you had one right here in the hospital and I still coulda lost you.” Sam looked at his brother and saw the raw emotion in is eyes. He also saw a haunted look in Dean’s eyes, and knew he was responsible for that.

“It was bbb…bad?” Sam questioned.

“You scared the shit out of me little brother,” Dean’s answer was bluntly honest. “I don’t want to see another one of those seizures as long as I live. I really thought I was losing you right there on that floor.” Sam didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t an all together rare event these days since his head injury for his brother to be more affectionate with him and open, but this admission was brutally honest and it stunned Sam.

“I’m sss…scared Dean,” Sam turned soulful eyes to his brother.

“Hey Sammy, you’re going to be fine man. The doc said so. She’s taking good care of you … always has.”

“Www…what if the visions ccc…cause more seizures?” This was a question that had been plaguing the back of Dean’s mind since it occurred.

“We’ll figure it out Sammy. It’s going to be okay. And, this was the first vision you’ve had since we were in Salvation. I think it was just bad timing … you know a seizure because you were all worked up and then the vision hit.” He felt he was grabbing at straws to reassure his brother, but he couldn’t just not try and comfort Sam. It was what he did. Sam nodded. He wasn’t sure he believed his big brother, but he knew that Dean needed his reassurances as much as he needed them from his big brother.

“When is Miss…ouri getting here?”

“She said she’d take the first plane out.” Sam smiled. He was glad that his brother would have someone he could depend on since at the moment he wasn’t able to help him the way he needed it.

“You nnn…need to sleep Dean.” Sam offered.

“I will,” he replied. “But not just now. I don’t want you worrying about me getting sleep Sammy.”

“You’ll mmm…make yourself sick,” Sam offered.

“No, I won’t make the same mistake twice Sammy. I’m not landing back in the hospital. I promise.” Sam decided he wasn’t going to push. Dean was on the razor’s edge and Sam wasn’t going to be the extra push.

“Ggg…go see dad,” Sam urged. Dean looked at the clock in Sam’s room.

“I will after you fall asleep,” he replied with a smile.

Twenty Minutes Later, Sam’s Room

Dean sat watching Sam sleep. His breathing was deep and steady. He found himself watching his brother’s body for the slightest twitch or tremor. He was thankful that his body remained at peace. He watched the steady natural rise and fall of his little brother’s chest and found comfort in the fact it wasn’t mimicking their father’s mechanical rise and fall. He brushed his hand gently against his brother’s bangs and smiled warmly. “Sweet dreams Sammy,” he whispered and left the room. He stopped at the nurse’s station and spoke to Sam’s night nurse Vicki. “If he needs me or there’s a problem you can reach me in either the CICU or its waiting room.” And, he left for CICU and the hopes of seeing his dad soon.

CICU Waiting Room, 6:30 AM

Dean had succumbed to sleep around 4:30 AM and had remained asleep in his chair. He thought he felt someone near, but his fatigue kept him under until a voice spoke to him gently. “Dean, honey?” Missouri’s voice was soft and very un-Missouri like as she reached down and touched his cheek.

“Missouri?” Dean’s eyes snapped open, but his voice was plainly sleep laden.

“In the flesh child,” she smiled at him. “Well, let me get a look at you,” she replied. She looked Dean over with an observant gaze. “You need some decent sleep and a good meal boy!” He laughed lightly.

“I ate,” he offered. She turned and eyed the half eaten foil wrapped burger from the cafeteria.

“That isn’t eating Dean Winchester. Now, first things first … I’m going to see that you eat breakfast and then we’ll deal with everything else.”

“But…” Dean looked at his watch and was surprised at the hour. “Man, how’d you get here so quick?”

“I told you I’d get the first flight out and I did. Now, pick your butt up and let’s get some food into you.”

“I need to be here Missouri. My dad and Sam,” his voice trailed off.

“You won’t do either of them any good boy if you ignore your own health. Move your back side child,” she chided and he felt compelled to obey.

“I should tell them where I’m gonna be,” he hedged.

“You’ve all ready told them how to contact you,” she supplied as she leafed through his thoughts. “Now, stop stalling and come to the cafeteria for an actual breakfast.” Dean complied.

CICU, 8:00 AM

Dr. Jay had begun his rounds and after seeing John decided to brief Dean. He walked into the waiting room and was surprised to see an African-American woman sitting with Dean. “If this is a bad time,” he offered. Dean stood immediately.

“No, no,” Dean answered. “This is a family friend. She flew in early this morning. This is Missouri Mosley,” he introduced her. “And, Missouri this is my dad’s doc … Dr. Jay.” Dean paused as the two shook hands. “You can talk in front of her.”

“Okay,” Dr. Jay replied. “Your father is doing well this morning. His cardiac output his good and I will taper off the anti-coagulants today some time to a more maintenance level as opposed to an acute treatment level. And, the echocardiogram from last night actually looks pretty good. I was pleased with what I saw. I’m going to keep him sedated for another day or so and then I’ll start reducing to allow him to wake up. And, once that happens I’ll see about weaning him from the ventilator gradually.”

“So, the second clot didn’t cause any damage?”

“It was caught in time before it completely occluded the vessel triggering another heart attack and starving the heart muscle for blood. Your father is doing well considering where we were just yesterday when he was brought into the ER. I’ll check back in on him later when I finish the rest of my rounds and consults.”

“Thanks.” Dean watched the doctor leave and turned to Missouri. “Well? Was he holding back?” Missouri smiled.

“No, Dean,” she replied. “He’s actually pretty optimistic about your daddy, but he won’t tell you that just because … well, you shouldn’t count your chickens before the hatch.”

“Yeah, but he’s optimistic, huh?”

“Yes,” Missouri answered easily. Dean looked at his watch.

“Man, I gotta go see Sammy and it’s time to see dad.” Missouri put her hand out to calm him.

“One thing at a time child. Look you go see your daddy and I’ll look in on Sam. After all, you’ve all ready shown me where the ICU is and told them I can see him. And, that nurse that took over his care this morning she seems very nice.” Dean smiled. Missouri had always had a way telling him how its gonna be and he respected that.

“Yeah, that’s Sue. She should be an honorary Winchester as many times as she’s taken care of me or Sammy while in that unit. She’s cool. But, I should see …”

“No, Dean,” Missouri spoke. “You need to be with your daddy. Just trust me to care for Sam. Your brother is fine. And, after you see your father and I come back … I’m going to see you eat some breakfast.” Dean nodded. Missouri turned to go see Sam in the ICU.

“Tell Sammy I said hi and you can fill him in on what the doctor said.”

“Go see your father.”

ICU, Sam’s Room

He was awake when Missouri walked in. He smiled at her. “Hi Missouri,” Sam spoke softly. “It’s bbb…been a long ttt…time.”

“Yes, it has. Too long,” she replied. She walked over and took his hand over the side rails of his bed. “Oh, honey…” Sam looked away.

“Don’t rrr…read me,” he withdrew his hand. Missouri smiled and sat down beside his bed still keeping her hand near Sam just to provide him some comfort.

“I don’t have to touch you to read your thoughts Sam. And, the way everything is just pouring off of you I can’t block it all. Let me help child.”

“How’s Dean and my Ddd…dad?”

“Your brother is burning the candle at both ends and I’m trying to get him sorted out. Your daddy was given a good progress report this morning by his doctor.” Sam turned hopeful eyes to Missouri.

“Really?”

“Yes,” Missouri was about to say something else when Dr. Myers walked in. Sam did the introduction between the women. Missouri stepped outside Sam’s room to allow Dr. Myers to exam Sam.

“Well, I see on your chart that you had a minor Jacksonian seizure last night, but nothing else.” Sam shook his head.

“I www…want out of hhh…here,” Sam complained.

“I understand that Sam … really I do. If I were you I’d be tired of any and all medical establishments. But, I’d really like to keep you in the neurology unit another day.”

“Why? I’m fff…fine.”

“Sam I know you feel fine, but you have to understand you had a grand mal seizure and with the small break through activity that occurred last night despite the anti-convulsive medications you’ve been given I’m concerned.”

“I www…want to see my ddd…dad.” Dr. Myers let out a long sigh.

“All right, I’ll talk to his doctor and see about allowing you to see him once you’re transferred to the neurology unit.”

“That’s on the thh…third floor … jjj…just let me go while I’m here.” Dr. Myers smiled.

“Now, I know why your recovery has gone as well as it has … you’re an extremely tenacious young man … I’m sure you give your brother and father a run for their money.” Sam offered up a real smile. “Fine, I’ll see what I can do. I think you’re stable enough for a visit, but you have to promise me you won’t get all worked up.”

“Ppp…pro…mise.”

Twenty Minutes Later, CICU Waiting Room

Dean was surprised to see Sam wheeled into the waiting room by Missouri. He was dressed in his hospital gown and a thin robe. “Well, the boy talked himself into a hall pass and visit with your daddy.” Dean smiled.

“You okay for this Sammy?”

“I’m fff…fine.”

“I’ll take him Missouri.” The woman smiled and took a seat as Dean wheeled his brother through the automatic doors. Connie looked up from filing at the nurse’s desk as the two brothers approached.

“Hi there … Sam is it?”

“Yes.”

“Well, Dr. Jay told me you’d be coming by this morning to visit your father. Now Dean is going to wait here and I’ll take you in.” Sam turned his face upward and looked at his brother. Dean smiled and nodded.

“It’s okay Sammy. I can see you and dad from here. It’s okay.” Sam nodded and then turned his face toward his father’s room. He could see his father through the glass window partition and Connie took him inside.

“I’ll be back in ten minutes Sam. If you need me or your brother we’re just outside.”

“Thh…thank you.”

“You’re welcome honey.”

Sam sat at his father’s bedside and slid his hand under his father’s. “Hi ddd…dad. It’s Sss…Sam. I would hhh…have come sooner, but…” he felt frustrated by his speech and took a breath. “You’re gonna bbb…be okay.” Sam felt his father’s cool slack hand in his own warm one. He studied his father’s pale features and found himself looking at the monitors and equipment. “Was this www…what it was like when I was in a coma?” He asked his father not really expecting an answer. “Dean’s been ggg…great dad. He’s here fff…for you and me ttt…too. I worry about hhh…him.” Sam paused a moment. “Miss…ouri is here now. Bbb…but … I bet Dean ttt…told you all ready.” Finally Sam just wanted to sit with his father and squeeze his hand gently to let him know he was there. He decided there was no need for words.

“Sam?” Connie’s voice was quiet behind him. “Time’s up.”

“All ready?” He asked not looking away from his father.

“Yes, I know it goes quick, but you can come back again.” She took Sam out and gave him back to his brother.

“You good Sammy?” Dean asked as he put a hand on his brother’s shoulder.

“Fff…fine.”

“Well, let’s get you back to ICU. I know Dr. Myers is having you transferred to the third floor this morning.”

“No, you shh…should stay here,” Sam encouraged. “Miss…ouri will take mmm…me back. You visit with ddd…dad. It’s your ttt…turn.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Well, let me take you back to Missouri and I’ll do my ten minute visit with dad. Look Sammy I’ll be there when they take you up, okay?” Sam smiled and nodded.

“Only if you can,” Sam concentrated to make his words come out right.

“Trying to get rid of me little brother?” Dean said with a chuckle as he wheeled Sam toward the waiting room that held Missouri.

“Nev…er.”

Two Days Later

Sam been discharged from the hospital yesterday, and he wanted desperately to be at the hospital, but Dr. Myers had put him on strict rest for at least the next couple days or so. He saw Dean only when his brother came home to shower and be forced to eat a meal prepared by Missouri. Sam sat on the couch hating himself for not being able to be with Dean and their dad. Dean had told him when he was home earlier that they had begun to lessen their father’s sedatives late last night, and that they expected him to wake up today. Sam wanted to be there, but Missouri was keeping a tight leash on him.

“It’ll be okay Sam. Your daddy is going to come home,” Missouri comforted as she came into the room with a cup of hot chocolate for the young man. “Here, drink this.” Sam took the mug and looked at the contents.

“Hot chh…choc…olate?”

“Yep, in this cold weather it’ll do you good. Did you take your medications?”

“Yes.”

“Samuel Winchester!” Missouri chided. “I heard that,” she quipped. “And, I thought only your brother would give me that kind of attitude. Shame on you.” Sam looked at her wide-eyed realizing that she had read his thoughts as he had grumbled about being asked about his meds.

“Sss…sorry,” Sam dropped his eyes submissively. Missouri looked at Sam for a long moment and couldn’t fault the boy for his frustration. She had felt his inner struggle since she first saw him in the ICU. Dean had filled her in on what had happened with the Demon over a year ago, and the car wreck. She had a bone to pick with John Winchester when he was up to a tongue lashing for leaving his children like he had. She was still upset over John’s appearance in Lawrence when Dean and Sam had needed him, but he had never gone to his children to talk to them. Instead, he had been cryptic and had simply given his final answer as not until I know the truth. She knew that John had his suspicions about Sam’s hidden abilities otherwise she would have never made the comment to him that fateful day when she had mentioned that Sam had powerful abilities. She felt slightly underhanded in her dealings with Sam. He had been so scared and vulnerable when he had asked what’s happening to me. And, she had simply answered, I know I should have all the answers, but … I don’t know. She had lied in order to protect him a while longer, but unfortunately after speaking with Dean and picking through their thoughts she knew Sam was well aware of his gift of premonitions and visions. And, he had had a brief episode of telekinesis. She feared for him even more now than back in Lawrence. His head injury and physical and speech deficits made his life even more difficult and precarious.

“Oh, Sam,” her voice softened. “It’s okay honey. I know how frustrated you are about, well… just about everything.” She knew Sam was having trouble with the order of home rest, but the doctor had also told him no work at the library or rehab for at least a week. He was feeling like a failure to his family, but especially his big brother. “I wish I had the perfect words Sam, I do, but I don’t think there is any magic fixer for this dark time, but it like all things will pass.” She tried to offer some comfort.

“I ddd…don’t think I’m going ttt…to get much bbb…better,” Sam offered honestly and Missouri looked at him with expectant and pained eyes. “I think Dean and dad knn…know it too, bbb…but won’t say it. I ddd…don’t want ttt…to be a bur…den.”

“Sam,” Missouri’s voice was soft, and held a slight tone of admonishment. She didn’t want to hear Sam give up on himself.

“It’s bbb…been a year, and I stt…still ttt…talk like this,” Sam’s voice was blunt. “And, thh…things I used to knn…know and under…stand ddd…don’t always make sense to me and I get sss…so pissed,” a small tentative smile crossed his face, “sss…sorry for saying pissed.” Missouri laughed.

“Child, please! You should hear some of the colorful remarks I can weave with words. You’re just speakin’ your mind and there isn’t a damn thing wrong with that when you have thoughts to unload.”

CICU, John’s Room

Dr. Jay had allowed Dean to stay as long as he wanted today since they expected John to be waking at some point. Dean had agreed to stay out of the way and leave if asked to. Dean glanced at the clock and hoped that Missouri had reminded Sam to take his meds. He was tempted to call, but decided to trust that she had listened to him when he told her Sam’s med schedule. He had all ready spoken with the library for Sam, and had been surprised that Sam’s social worker from the rehab center had all ready spoken to the library branch manager telling her of Sam’s condition and had informed her that a family crisis had happened. Dean had confirmed the news and Mrs. Kellerman, the branch manager had understood and said to just call her when Sam was able and willing to return. He had called Larry at home telling him of him of John’s heart attack and luckily Larry had volunteered to call his brother Dan to tell him about John and that he’d be off work for a while. Dean was lost in his own head when a flicker of movement caught his eye. John’s fingers moved slightly, but he didn’t wake.

Dean reached over and slid a hand under his father’s own and then covered it with his other free hand. He watched with excitement as his father’s fingers tightened their grip. “Dad?” Dean watched with expectant eyes. His father was still on the ventilator and he knew he wouldn’t be able to speak until the tube was out. He watched as his father’s eyes began to flutter, and his heart monitor’s pace quickened slightly indicating he was surfacing toward consciousness. “Dad? It’s Dean.” John’s opened his eyes at the sound of his oldest child’s voice. Things were fuzzy and his mind felt foggy. He heard beeping, and a whooshing and clicking sound. His eyes opened fully and met his son’s expectant and concerned hazel ones. Suddenly, he was all too aware of a chocking intrusion in his throat and he began to buck against it, and started to grab the tube. “No! Dad,” Dean stopped his father’s hand. “Dad, it’s okay. It’s a breathing tube. You’re okay. Leave it alone.” The heart monitor beeped out a staccato rhythm on the screen. “Dad, you have to calm down,” Dean commanded. He held the sides of his father’s face. “Just calm down. It’s okay. Relax.” Dean saw his father relax under his touch, and then noticed John’s lips begin to move slightly. “No, Dad, you can’t speak with the tube in,” Dean replied. Connie came into the room quickly.

“Mr. Winchester, you have to relax sir. You’re in the hospital. You need to calm down.” She cast a glance at Dean indicating without words that it wasn’t good for John’s heart to be racing.

“Dad, listen to her, okay? Please, just relax.” John’s heart rate slowed down and he visibly relaxed against his bed. “Good Dad,” Dean encouraged. Connie nodded and left the room after adjusting an IV drip rate. John’s eyes wandered around his room, and at all of the equipment that surrounded him. “Do you remember what happened Dad?”

John studied his son’s face and lifted a hand extending to fingers indicating ‘a little’ with his index finger and thumb. “A little?” Dean hedged. John gave a slight nod. “You had a heart attack Dad, and you’re in the CICU. Today makes day four.” Dean saw the look of alarm on John’s face. “No, no dad, it’s all right. You’ve been sedated up until late last night. You’re going to be fine.” Dean squeezed his dad’s forearm gently. John reached a shaky hand across his chest and placed it on top of Dean’s hand. Dean felt the warmth in his father’s hand, and felt comforted by the heat where it had been cold the last four days. John picked his hand up and pointed to Dean and then made the ‘OK’ symbol with his hand, and Dean laughed.

“I’m fine Dad. I’m not the one that almost cashed in his chips with a heart attack.” John reached down and patted Dean’s arm. John’s eyes moved around the room again and settled back on Dean’s face with intensity. “Sammy’s at home dad. He’s fine.” John’s eyes widened. “No, dad … he’s not alone. I … ugh, called Missouri. She’s in town and has been for about three days. She’s with Sammy.” Dean could see the look of surprise on John’s face. “I needed the help dad,” Dean replied. “Look, I wanted to hold off on telling you, but you’re gonna notice when Sam isn’t coming to visit for a day or two. Um, he had a vision a couple days ago, and it triggered a grand mal seizure.” Dean’s words cut off abruptly as John’s face took on a panicked look and his heart monitor began to beep wildly. “Dad, please… if you get Connie in here she is going to bust my ass for telling you. They’ll throw me out. You gotta calm down. Look, if Sam were in bad shape would I be here?” Dean questioned. John settled and shook his head slightly. “Good,” Dean replied. “Look Dad, it was just bad timing he started having a vision the same time he was having a small seizure and then it just all went to hell.”

John gripped his son’s arm and offered a comforting squeeze. Dean could see the questions in his father’s eyes. “The vision was about you dad. He saved your life. You were headed for a second heart attack, but they caught it in time. Dr. Myers wants him to rest for a couple days. No visiting, no library and no rehab this week.” Dean’s voice drifted off as his mind recalled the images of Sam’s seizure in the waiting room. John saw the haunted look that came over his son’s eyes and it concerned him. He got Dean’s attention by patting his arms and indicating he wanted something to write on. “Okay, Dad… let me see if Connie can give me something. One minute.”

Dean returned with a piece of scrap paper and a pen. “Here dad and Connie said you need to rest after this.” John just motioned for the pen and paper. Dean looked at what his father scribbled: How bad was it with Sammy? I want the truth.

“Dad… he’s okay.” John was frustrated and tapped at the paper with authority. And, even a silent John Winchester could manage to speak an unspoken direct order. Dean sighed. “Fine,” he grumbled and took the paper and pen away from his father. “But, you have to stay relaxed okay?” John nodded.

Dean recounted the entire seizure event to his father and John’s eyes were filled with a mixture of anxiety and concern for his baby son. It scared him to hear that Sam had stopped breathing because the seizure was so violent and long. He was thankful though that Sam apparently rebounded quickly from it despite its severity. Dean looked at the clock. “Hey, Dad why don’t you get some rest.” John motioned for the paper again. Dean shook his head. “No Dad,” he admonished. “You need to rest.” John leveled a hard gaze on his first born and Dean complied. “Fine, but make it short dad, otherwise, my ass is gonna be in a sling with your doctor and Connie. Jesus,” he hissed. “You just woke up after having a heart attack … take it easy!” John wrote on the paper for a long moment and then finally handed it to Dean: I’ll rest. I promise. I’m not going anywhere. I want you to go home and get some sleep. You look tired and I don’t want you running yourself into the ground.

“Dad, I’m fine.” John shook his head. “Okay, fine,” Dean complained. “How about I go home for an hour or two? I’ll check in with Sammy and Missouri. I’ll tell Sam you woke up. He’ll be excited. But, I’ll be back tonight for a while, and then I promise I’ll sleep at home. Deal?” John nodded. “Good, now close your eyes and get some sleep dad.” John felt like a worn photograph … rough around the edges, but the essence of the person still remained inside. He was going to survive this and get back to his sons. He closed his eyes despite his efforts to remain awake and sleep came quickly. Dean sat with him for a short while, and then kept his promise to go home for a while. He knew that Connie had his contact numbers should he be needed. Dean cast one more glance at his father. He was comforted by the fact some of his father’s coloring was returning and replacing that pale gray color he’d had since his attack.

The Winchester House

Dean walked into the kitchen from the garage and was met by Missouri cooking. Her face looked mildly frustrated. “What’s wrong?” Dean asked quickly.

“Child, how do you men survive? You have two skillets and a pasta cooking pot … how in creation do you cook?” Dean laughed lightly.

“We make do,” he replied candidly. He looked around the corner and saw the TV was off in the family room and it was quiet. “Where’s Sammy?”

“Sleeping,” Missouri answered.

“It’s two in the afternoon. Is he okay? He’s not sick is he?” Dean started to leave the kitchen to check on Sam, but Missouri placed a hand on his arm.

“He’s fine Dean,” she comforted. “It’s that new medication that he’s taking. Don’t you remember his doctor said it may make him tired until his body adjusts? Plus, I think the last few days were catching up with him. I’ve never known anyone that left a hospital feeling rested.”

“Yeah,” Dean answered absently as his eyes still ventured toward the family room. “How long has he been out?”

“Almost two hours.” She looked at Dean and smiled. “Go,” she encouraged. “I know you’re biting at the bit to go check on him. He’s in his room.” Dean smiled.

“Hey, not fair. No reading me,” he chided with no anger.

“Well, I can’t help it. You Winchester men are so tight lipped I don’t know how you manage to communicate. And, I’m glad your daddy woke up. See I told you he would be okay.”

“Out of my head woman!” Dean’s voice was amused. “Geez, let a guy get a chance to tell the news before you go leafing through my head like some magazine in the check-out lane.” Missouri laughed.

“Sorry,” she offered lightly. “Go see your brother. I’ll have lunch ready in an hour.”

“Thanks for everything Missouri,” Dean began. “I know you’ve got your own life and all. And, you’re here helping us out.”

“It’s my pleasure. And, I didn’t have any pressing engagements back in Lawrence anyway. That’s the plus side of being your own boss. I can take vacations whenever I damn well want.”

“What? The psychic business slow these days?”

“No, I doubt it ever will be… there’s always people wantin’ answers about something.” Dean nodded. He excused himself and went quietly down the hall to Sam’s slightly open bedroom door. Dean peeked inside Sam’s room and saw his little brother curled on his side sleeping. He walked in quietly using his hunter’s skills of stealth to not wake Sam. He stood over his brother for a short while and assured himself there were no tremors or twitches, and he was breathing evenly. His mind flashed for a moment to Sam seizing on the floor in the waiting room turning blue around his lips. He shook his head trying to rid his mind of a memory he knew would always haunt him. Sam stirred.

“Dean?” His voice sleepy as he opened his eyes slowly.

“Sorry, Sammy,” Dean whispered. “I didn’t mean to wake you up. Go back to sleep kiddo.”

“No, I’m okay. Hhh…how is dad?”

“He woke up Sammy. He asked about you and I told him you had to rest for a couple days.”

“Why? Nnn…now he’ll worry.” Sam complained.

“Look, Sammy I wouldn’t have been able to hold him off for long … it’s dad we’re talking about. He was concerned, but I told him you’re okay. Now, Missouri is making lunch and I’m going to eat here and go back to see dad. I’m sleeping here tonight.”

“Good.”

“So, the new meds are making you tired, huh?”

“Yeah, bbb…but Dr. Myers said it’ll ppp…pass. I hate ttt…taking it ttt…twice a day though.”

“I know Sammy, but you have to okay?” Sam nodded begrudgingly.

CICU, John’s Room

Dean walked into CICU and was surprised to see his father sitting up in bed awake, and off the ventilator. “Dad?” Dean couldn’t hold back the sound of astonishment. John smiled warmly at his son. Connie was in the room as well and adjusting IV drip rates and doing charting.

“Yes, your father wanted the tube removed and Dr. Jay deemed him ready. Your father can very hard headed.” Dean snorted.

“Hey,” John chided softly from his bed. Dean noticed the thin oxygen tubing running under his father’s nose.

“She’s right dad,” Dean mused. “So, when can he get transferred to the CCU side of the unit?”

“Dr. Jay is pleased with his progress and the latest test result, so I bet he’ll be transferred in a couple days.”

“Good.” Connie smiled and excused herself as she finished up charting.

“Did you eat and get some sleep?” John asked as he studied his oldest child’s tired features.

“I ate, but I’ll sleep tonight. Don’t worry dad.”

“It’s my job to worry,” John offered. “I’m sorry for all of this son.” Dean looked at his father dumbfounded.

“Dad, it’s not you had a heart attack on purpose. There isn’t anything to apologize for,” Dean paused. “I was thinking earlier today and…” After a long pause John prompted him to continue.

“And, what?”

“Nothin’ dad.”

“Dean,” his father’s tone brooked no argument.

“It’s just that … I don’t know if you hadn’t made it that night in the ER Sammy and me would probably be burying you right around now. It’s just …” Dean looked everywhere but at his father. “It’s just … I’m glad you’re still around,” his voice drifted off to a whisper. John smiled and reached out a hand and comfortingly squeezed Dean’s elbow.

“I’m sorry I scared you boys,” John replied. “I’m gonna be okay Dean.”

“Yeah, well no more burgers and crap for you old man,” Dean teased.

“Hey, who you callin’ old?” John countered with a warm smile. “How are Missouri and Sammy doing?”

“Good. I think our lack of cooking equipment is driving her nuts, but she’s been great. And, Sammy is okay.”

“Okay? Is there something wrong? He didn’t have another seizure did he?”

“Dad will you just chill, please!” Dean chided. “He’s fine. I know he wants to see you, but like I said he’s stuck at home for at least a couple days.”

Later that Evening, the Winchester House

It was after 10:00 and the house was pretty quiet. Dean finished up filling out some checks to pay some bills. Missouri had been using John’s bedroom since her arrival and she had all ready excused herself to bed. Dean was headed down the hallway when he noticed Sam’s door was open and the hallway was illuminated by the bathroom light shining from under the closed door. Dean would have gone on to his bedroom, but the sound of quiet retching propelled him toward the bathroom. “Hey Sammy?” Dean asked quietly. “You okay?”

“Dean,” was the only quiet response that came before the sounds of more retching. Dean put his hand on the doorknob and was relieved that his little brother hadn’t locked it. He pushed the door open and saw Sam sitting on the floor in his sweat pants and white t-shirt and barefoot. He looked pale and sweaty.

“Jesus Sammy,” Dean knelt down. Sam only offered a small smile before he turned his head back toward the toilet and threw up again. Dean rubbed circles on his back. He stood up to get a cool cloth and proceeded to wipe Sam’s face with it. “It doesn’t feel like you have a fever,” Dean suggested as he placed the back of his hand on his brother’s forehead. “Sam what’s wrong?”

“I ddd…don’t know,” Sam complained. “I fff…felt a little sss…sick all day.”

“All day? Why didn’t you say something. Dammit Sammy!”

“Sss…sorry,” Sam managed just before his head was back in the toilet. Then something clicked with Dean.

“Sam where’s all those damn prescription medication sheets the pharmacist gave us with your new medication?” Dean had always been very vigilant about reading his brother’s medication pamphlets, but since his father’s heart attack he hadn’t had the time to read over the new med papers. “Sam? Where?” His brother pulled back from the toilet and pointed to a drawer in the vanity. Dean opened it and pulled out the papers.

Sam leaned back away from the toilet and propped himself against the tub. Dean handed him another cool rag for his face as he leafed through the papers. He skimmed as his eyes searched for the headings side effects and adverse reactions. He read the notices:

SIDE EFFECTS: most common complaint; sedative reaction and lethargy until therapeutic blood levels are reached and maintained. Less common: headache, light sensitivity, and tinnitus.

ADVERSE REACTIONS: This drug in some individuals may cause labored breathing, cardiac palpitations, extreme nausea and vomiting, hives, and possible anaphylactic shock could result. If any of these symptoms are encountered you should seek medical assistance and notify pharmacist of the allergy.

“Sonofabitch!” Dean hissed. Sam was leaning forward once again to get sick. “Okay, Sammy … I’m taking you to the ER kiddo. I think you’re having an allergic reaction. Um, let me go get your socks and gym shoes. Just stay put… here,” Dean filled a Dixie cup with cool water. “Rinse.” Sam complied.

“Thirsty,” Sam replied.

“Sorry, Sammy,” Dean offered. “I think you better wait. I don’t know if I should give you anything to drink. Look, just sit here and I’ll be right back.” Dean folded the papers and grabbed the medication bottle to make sure he took it with them. He hurried down the hall cursing himself the entire way. He heard the door open to his father’s room.

“Dean?” Missouri’s voice sounded worried from the doorway. “Is Sam okay?”

“No,” Dean said as he came back up the hallway with his brother’s socks and shoes accompanied with a zip-up hoodie. “I’m pretty sure he’s having an allergic reaction to his new medication. I gotta take him to the ER.”

“I’ll come with you,” she responded quickly. “I knew that boy wasn’t feeling well, but he kept saying he was fine even though I knew he was lying.”

“Missouri it’s not your fault okay. Sammy’s a big boy.”

Two Hours Later: The Emergency Room

“He’s going to be fine, Mr. Winchester. We gave your brother an injection of Zofran to help with the nausea, and once he’s finished his bag of fluids to get him re-hydrated I’ll give him his walking papers. I spoke with his neurologist on the phone and she gave me a verbal order to change his medication due to the allergy. He should start this new medication tomorrow. It’s best if taken in the mornings, and he can take it with his Dilantin.”

“Thanks doc. So, once his fluids finish out I can take him home?”

“Yep, I’ll get his discharge papers ready. It’ll probably be another forty minutes for that bag to finish up.”

“Okay, thanks.”

Dean walked back into the curtained ER cubicle where his brother was located. Missouri sat reading a discarded magazine, and Sam had dozed off. “How’s he doin’?” Dean whispered.

“Sleeping like a baby. Poor child is completely exhausted.”

“Missouri, I was thinking…” she smiled. “What?”

“Go up and check on your daddy. We’ll be fine here. I’ll stay with Sam.”

“Thanks.”

CICU, John’s Room

Dean walked quietly inside. The lights were dimmed and he could see his father’s eyes were closed. But, this was John Winchester and he recognized the soft steps of his own child. He opened his eyes. “Dean?”

“Go back to sleep Dad.”

“What’s wrong? I thought we agreed you get some sleep at home. It’s after midnight Dean.”

“I was in the area and couldn’t leave without stopping in, okay?”

“What do you mean in the area?” John studied Dean intently. “It’s Sammy, isn’t it?” His heart monitor began beeping wildly.

“Calm down dad,” Dean commanded. “Sam’s fine now. He had an allergic reaction to his new medication. I had to bring him into the ER. He’s getting discharged in a little bit. Missouri is sitting with him.”

“But, he’s okay?” John’s eyes were intense as they watched Dean’s face looking for the slightest bit of deception.

“He’s fine dad. He was out like a light when I came up here. They gave him some stuff for the nausea and vomiting and we’ll be out of here soon. I just wanted to stop by.”

“Dean,” John began. “What you’ve been doing for your brother and everything you had to endure over this past year … I couldn’t be more proud of you and what you’ve taken on without question. When I think about how I left…”

“Don’t dad,” Dean replied. “We’re getting past that,” Dean commented. “You’ve stuck around and kept your word. Look … you’re in no condition to start up this conversation. Let’s just let sleeping dogs lie for now, okay?”

“Sure son,” John responded. Dean looked at the clock and couldn’t believe that thirty minutes had passed all ready.

“I better let you get back to sleep and Sammy should be ready to go.”

The Emergency Room

Dean made his way back t the curtained cubicle and was surprised to only be met by Missouri and Sam wasn’t there. “What happened?” Dean barked nearing panic.

“Calm yourself child,” she instructed. “Your brother is fine. The IV finished and the doctor discharged him. He wouldn’t take no for an answer,” she began. “You probably just missed each other. He took an elevator up to see your father.

“He should be in a car and headed home,” Dean complained, but he understood that Sam needed to see their father. “Let’s go get him.”

CICU, John’s Room

John hadn’t gone back to sleep yet and saw a shadow step into his doorway. He recognized the tall lanky figure right away, “Sammy?” His voice was soft.

“Ddd…dad,” Sam spoke in a lower tone realizing the hour.

“Hey, kiddo … come here and let me look at you.” John looked at his baby son and could see the dark circles under his eyes. “You need to get some sleep Sammy. Your brother told me about what happened with the seizure and tonight with the allergic reaction. You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m good.” Sam was happy to see his father off the ventilator. “Hhh…how are you?”

“I’m going to be fine Sammy. It’ll take more than a little heart attack to take out your dad.” Sam smiled.

“I was sss…scared you we’re going ttt…to die.”

“I know son. But, I’m going to be okay.” Sam sat down on his father’s bed and John pulled him into a hug and Sam let himself relax into his father’s grasp. A sound in the doorway alerted them to a presence.

“Pulling an AWOL from the ER Sammy,” Dean chided quietly. “Not cool little brother.”

“Sss…sorry, but hhh…had to.” Dean smiled despite himself and nodded.

“Come on Dad needs to sleep and you do too.”

Later that Night, the Winchester House

Dean rolled over in his bed and listened to the sounds of the quiet house. Missouri had gone back to bed, and Sam was sound asleep. They had stopped off at a twenty-four hour pharmacy to get Sam’s new prescription filled before going home, and now Dean found himself looking at the red numbers of his clock: 2:00 AM shown like a beacon in the dark. He felt sleep pulling at him and drawing him into its warm embrace. His father was alive and expected to recover, and Sammy was safe and sleeping just down the hall, maybe he could let his body relax for a little bit. Dean closed his eyes as he sighed quietly into the dark, and slumber came swiftly to his tired mind.

“Now, John I’m sending you home with strict instructions to not do anything strenuous. And, I know you feel up to par, but I’m your cardiologist and I’m saying you’re not. That means I won’t even consider clearing you to return to work for at least two months.”

“Don’t worry Doc I’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid,” Dean commented as he gathered his father’s things while his father took a seat in a wheelchair.

“And, here are the prescriptions he needs to get filled,” Dr. Jay replied. “And, John we talked about this … these are all taken until further notice … possibly forever.”

“Yeah,” John grumbled.

“Here Sammy,” Dean handed his brother a large plastic bag with some of their father’s belongings.

Dean was content to be getting his father home. It had been a long almost three weeks since the heart attack that almost killed John. The past two weeks in CCU had felt like they went on forever. John had begun a heart rehab program at the hospital and had started taking his meds. Dean was happy that they would be home as a family for Christmas. John almost hadn’t been discharged in time, but now they had two days to spare before the holiday. Of course, no one had had time to shop for gifts with John in the hospital, but this year being together as a family was enough for Dean.

“Did you get Missouri off at the airport?” John replied.

“Ah, not exactly,” Dean hedged as Sam snickered in the backseat of the Impala. John cast a leery glance at his oldest child. Missouri had been a mainstay the couple weeks or so and John considered a Godsend for his children’s peace of mind since his heart attack. However, Missouri over the last week had decided to give John a piece of her mind over his leaving his boys. She had given him a tongue lashing in her Missouri tell it like it is manner. He respected the woman more than he’d ever tell her, but with a mild grin he realized she had all ready plucked that thought from his mind long ago.

“What do you mean not exactly?” John’s voice was serious.

“Well, she said she’d stay on until after the holidays. She wouldn’t hear of leaving yet. She said we’re going to need help, and I think she’s right. She decided she needed her own space, so she took a room at the Best Western down the block on Olive Street.”

“A hotel!” John barked. “How could you agree to let her do that? After everything she’s done.” Dean cast an incredulous look at his father.

“Hey! Like I can tell Missouri what to do or think when she’s made up her mind about something. She said there was no way she was putting any of us out of our rooms. Look,” Dean continued. “I tried to make her reconsider, but she wouldn’t listen to me, so we compromised.”

“Yeah? How?”

“I told her I’d pay for her room, and she agreed after a ten minute debate with her.” John grumbled under his breath. “It’s just till after the holiday’s dad. She just wants to make sure we’re okay and that you’re fine.”

“Dean?” Sam’s voice chimed in from the backseat.

“Yeah, Sammy?” Dean cast a glance in the rearview mirror.

“Ddd…don’t forget ttt…to stop for the med…icine.”

“Oh yeah, thanks Sammy.” Dean sighed. He had almost forgotten to get his father’s scripts filled. He put on his turn signal to turn up ahead for the pharmacy.

The Winchester House

The kitchen window was open slightly and John caught the scent of food cooking and after nothing but hospital food the last couple weeks or so his mouth was watering. He looked at Dean as they climbed out of the car. Sam and Dean both carried bags of their father’s. John looked at Dean. “The hotels within walking distance dad. I gave her a house key. John nodded. They slammed the car doors out on the driveway and soon Missouri came out of the open garage smiling.

“Well, well look what the cat dragged in,” she quipped. John smiled.

“Hi Missouri,” John offered. “Thanks for staying a little longer.”

“Uh-huh,” she replied. “I oughtta smack you with a spoon John Winchester!”

“What’d I do? I just got out of the hospital.”

“For yellin’ at that boy. He’s no more a match for my set mind than you are John Winchester. Now, you stop givin’ that child grief. I’m here to make sure you Winchester men don’t starve over the holidays and to make sure you’re all settled before I go back home.”

Christmas Day, December 25, 2007

Sam padded quietly down the hall dressed in jeans and a sweater. He put on a pair of hiking boots to combat the deep snowfall. He concentrated with the laces. His fine motor skills had made some improvements with rehab. He grabbed his winter jacket and gloves and slipped out the front door locking it behind himself. He looked at his watch and knew that his brother and dad would probably be asleep until 8:00. And, Dean was picking Missouri up at 10:00 AM. She had hauled Dean out to the store yesterday to get fixings for a Christmas dinner, and she would be over to start cooking. It was a bright and cold Christmas morning and Sam smiled as he inhaled the crisp clean air. He went to the corner and caught the Number 10 bus that stopped by Cross Pointe Shopping Center where he knew the grocery store and floral center were open 7:00 AM to 11:00 AM for last minute holiday food shoppers. He had stopped and grabbed a bus routes map the other day from the library when he finished working. Dean and his father had both thought he should get back to his routine of the library and rehab even while John was still in the hospital. Sam had complained, but after his doctor ordered rest after his seizure episode he did in fact return to his routine.

Sam sat looking out the window as the bus moved through the city. There were only a couple other riders commuting along with him. When the bus pulled up at the shopping center Sam got off. He walked into the grocery store and headed for the entertainment area. He had been pulled out some money from his savings account that Dean had helped him open. He had been able to walk to the bank the previous week during his lunch break and removed some cash from his account. He looked at his watch and hurried around the store.

He bought his brother a new digitally re-mastered DVD version of his big brother’s favorite Godzilla movie. Sam rolled his eyes at the black and white movie picture on the cover: Godzilla versus Mothra. Sam still preferred the remake … he didn’t care if his brother said it was horrible. He had all ready bought his dad a gift the previous week while he was walking back from the bank to the library. He passed Rob’s CD’s and Vintage LP’s store. He found that the store carried cassettes on a limited basis. He was amazed that there were even still tapes to be found. He knew they would work in his Dad’s truck when he was able to return to driving in another couple weeks or so. He bought what he knew his Dad loved: Johnny Cash and Willy Nelson. Sam couldn’t stand the music, but his father loved it. He hurried over to the floral section and bought a floral arrangement in a small decorator vase for Missouri. He grabbed a small card and envelope to include with the small floral arrangement for Missouri. He spotted some holiday DVD wrappers on his way out and picked one out to seal Dean’s DVD up in, so that he would have something to open. He had all ready had his father’s cassettes wrapped in some left over wrapping paper from the previous weeks library event where some staff wrapped gifts for donations for the library and Sam had helped himself to some left over scraps that had been trimmed off of other gifts.

He paid for his purchases and hurried back to the bus stop to wait for the Number 8 bus that went back the route he needed to get home. He stood there waiting with his purchases in hand. He had studied the route maps for a couple days and was still confused by them a little. So, he had tucked them away to take to his occupational therapy session and have his therapist help him understand them. He had finished his lessons on handling finances and money. His therapist had been excited to help him understand bus routes and time schedules as part of his therapy. Sam was pleased with himself. He looked at his watch and it was 7:45 AM and he felt a tad bit of concern that he wouldn’t make it home, and he started to wonder if Dean would wake up and find out he was gone. He knew his big brother would blow a gasket. And, he didn’t want to worry his father; after all he had only been home a couple days. The bus made good time across town and dropped him off at the bus stop at the end of his street at 8:10 AM.

Sam stomped his feet outside to get some of the excess snow off his hiking boots. He unlocked the front door and walked in quietly. The house was still quiet and as he turned down the hallway he could hear the shower running and knew his brother was up, but hadn’t noticed he wasn’t home because he had left his bedroom door closed and Dean must have assumed he was still asleep. He slid into his room quietly and took off his jacket. He took off his boots and went about hiding his purchases until it was time to reveal them. He opened his door and walked to the kitchen to try and make some coffee. His first few attempts had not gone well, but he was determined that he’d get it right. The first time he was certain he had done everything right, but when it began to brew in the Mr. Coffee machine and drip down it was nothing but coffee mixed with tons of coffee grounds. And, to his dismay he had forgotten completely that you need a coffee filter. He had made just about every possible mistake, so he was sure he could get it right and surprise his brother and father with some decaf coffee. After all, since John’s heart attack that was the only coffee he was allowed, so Dean had switched too in order to make things easier and not tempt their father to hit the caffeine.

Dean walked out of the bathroom and saw that Sam’s door was open. He poked his head inside, but saw that Sam wasn’t inside. When he walked into the family room he could smell the scent of fresh coffee coming from the kitchen and smiled. He wasn’t sure what condition he’d find the coffee in, but at least it smelled good. “Mornin’ Sammy.” Dean said as he walked into the kitchen.

“Morning,” Sam smiled. “What some coffee?” Dean grabbed a mug and handed it to his little brother.

“Sure Sammy,” he wasn’t entirely sure it would be something drinkable, but he wasn’t about to make his brother feel bad about his previous attempts and failures. He only hoped this one was going to be as bad tasting as the last.

“Hhh…here,” Sam gave Dean his famous dimpled-lopsided grin and he was a goner. He figured even if it was awful he’d drink the whole mug if he had too. Dean looked at the dark brew and smelled.

“Smells good Sammy,” he offered. The steam rolled off the top of the dark liquid. Here goes nothing, he thought to himself. He smiled as his first tentative sip went down his throat and he took a second bigger drink. “Mmm, Sammy,” Dean replied. “We have a winner,” he quipped.

“Rrr…really?” He eyed his brother for any sign he was lying to protect his feelings. Sam no longer drank coffee at all whether it was regular or decaf. The doctor had suggested it might not be the best thing for him while on his meds. She had gone into a long explanation about the possible acetic qualities of coffee degrading the medications or causing an upset stomach. So, Sam had stopped drinking it all together much to his chagrin.

“Good Morning boys,” John walked into the kitchen in sweats and a t-shirt.

“Here dad,” Dean turned quickly and pulled out a chair at the table in the kitchen. “Have a seat.”

“Son, I just got out of bed,” John mused. “Why would I want to sit?”

“You shouldn’t strain yourself,” Dean suggested. John chuckled. Both of his son’s since he had come home from the hospital two days ago had been busy bodies always acting like mother hens. He thought it was endearing, but it was also a pain in his ass.

“Listen boys,” John began. “I appreciate this … really I do, but your old dad isn’t an invalid. I can stand in the kitchen. I’m not running a marathon. You have to both just relax, okay? And, stop hovering so much.” John eyed the coffee pot. “You make coffee Sammy,” John asked with a smile.

“Yes. Dean lll…likes it.” John turned quizzical eyes to his oldest and Dean confirmed with a smile.

“Yeah, dad,” Dean encouraged. “Try some. It’s good.” John hated the decaf, but if it was what the doctor had ordered then he’d suffer with decaf rather than his usual. Dean poured their father a mug and watched John take a drink.

“This is a good cup of Joe Sammy. Nice job.” John reached out and patted the side of Sam’s head.

“Mmm…mer…ry Christmas,” Sam forced out with a smile as he looked at both his brother and father.

“Yes, it is,” John replied. “Merry Christmas boys.” John smiled warmly at both of his sons. “So, Dean, what time do you pick Missouri up?”

“Ten. And, she gave me strict instructions to tell both of you that we are to stay out of the kitchen once she starts cooking. She said she doesn’t need us under foot.” John rolled his eyes. Dean and Sam both snickered.

Later that Afternoon

Missouri had relegated John to the couch to rest while she put the boys to work on clean up. Sam stayed in the kitchen after the table was cleaned and helped Missouri rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher. Sam rinsed a pan and handed it to Missouri to put in the dishwasher. “Nice job, Sam,” Missouri replied.

“Thh…thanks.”

“You know it’s been real nice seeing you boys again. And, your father, too,” she added. “Although, that heart attack didn’t make him any less pig headed.” Sam smiled.

“It’s bbb…been nice seeing you ttt…too,” Sam replied.

“Sam,” Missouri began. “Remember when I told you boys back in Lawrence to not be strangers … well, I meant it.”

“Thh…thanks Miss…ouri. Sss…sorry we never came bbb…back … we…”

“I know,” Missouri replied. “You and your brother have been busy since you left Lawrence. I wanted to talk to you Sam about …” her voice trailed off and Sam looked at her.

“About what?”

“I know your abilities have expanded a bit since Lawrence. I know then you were having premonition dreams and you could sense the house wasn’t clean yet. You felt the presence in the house still even when I couldn’t. But, now I know you’re having visions.”

“I ccc….can’t con…troll them. They just hap…pen.”

“I know. I’m sorry I’m no help Sam. But, what you’re capable of is something I’m not. I can sense energies and read minds … I wish I knew more to help you.”

“Not your fff…fault. I’ve only had one vision since my hhh…head was hhh…hurt.”

“I know it saved your daddy’s life, but almost cost you yours.”

“Www…would hhh…have been wor…worth it.” Missouri turned and looked at Sam.

“Child,” her voice was soft. “You carry so much inside. I worry for you.”

“I’m ggg…good.” He smiled. “I hhh…have Dean and dad.” Missouri nodded. She knew that Sam was troubled by many thoughts and most of them had to do with his fears that he’d never regain what he was, and the truth of that he probably would never be completely the same was beginning to take root in him. She felt his fear that he was a burden to his family and that he was a weight holding them down. She knew she couldn’t confront him with those feelings unless he brought it up. But, she wanted to make sure he always knew her door and home were open to him.

“Sam,” Missouri started. “I just wanted you to know that if you ever need me for any reason I’m only a phone call away, and my home is always open to you.” Sam looked at her for a long moment.

“I know,” he smiled at her sheepishly. They finished loading the dishwasher and she started a fresh pot of coffee. “Um, Miss…ouri?”

“Yes honey,” she replied as she poured the water into the coffee pot.

“Will you ccc…come out to the fam…ily room … I www…want ttt…to do something.”

“Okay,” she wanted to pick his mind, but could see the buried excitement in his eyes over something and decided she wanted to find out when everyone else did.

Missouri sat in a chair opposite the couch facing John and Dean. John had turned the TV off. They all sat looking at each other. “What could he be up to?” John asked. “Missouri, you know?”

“Not a thing.”

“Well, with Sammy it’s hard telling.” Dean quipped. Sam emerged down the hall. One arm held what everyone quickly saw were tiny wrapped presents, and in his free hand he was carrying a delicate floral arrangement. Sam handed Missouri the flowers.

“Miss…ouri these are fff…for you,” he handed her the petite floral arrangement in the decorator vase. “I ppp…put a card in it fff…for you. Mer…merry Christ…mas”

“Oh, Sam honey,” she stood and hugged him. Sam turned and handed his dad two tiny wrapped gifts. John looked at the wrapping job and knew Sam must have struggled with this when he had done this.

“Son? What is this? I mean… you shouldn’t have,” John smiled. He could see the pride Sam had in his eyes.

“Prrr…pre…sents for you.” Sam answered. He turned to Dean and handed his gift. His big brother took it wide-eyed still trying to figure out the how, when and where his kid brother had been able to do this.

“Thanks Sammy,” Dean managed the only verbal response he could muster at the moment.

“Wel…come,” Sam answered beaming. John and Dean opened their gifts and both had smiles on their faces, but their faces also held questions.

“Sammy?” Dean began. “How did you get this stuff?”

“Store.”

“Yeah, duh, Captain Obvious,” Dean countered. “Who still sells cassettes?” Dean questioned.

“Place by mmm…my bank.”

“And, my movie and Missouri’s flowers?”

“Store.”

“Yeah, I think you answered that before Sammy. But those flowers still look fresh. Where you been hiding them?”

“Bbb…bought ttt…today,” Sam supplied. “Your movie and flowers sss…same ppp…place.” Dean’s facial expression grew perplexed and then dark.

“Wait, what do you me you bough them today. You’ve been here.”

“Went out.”

“Out? Out where.”

“Cross Ppp…Pointe,” Sam answered his facial expression beginning to show a tinge of worry.

“Shit!” Dean hissed as he stood up abruptly. “Cross Pointe Sam! That’s clear across town. How the hell did you get there,” he spat.

“Dean, calm down son,” John tried to reign in his oldest before he blew a gasket. Missouri wanted to interfere, but she felt like she should keep her mouth closed. She knew where Dean’s anger was coming from, and it was out of fear and concern for his brother’s well-being.

“Calm down? You’re joking right?” Dean turned blazing eyes to his father and then leveled them back on his little brother. “I asked you a question Sam. How did you get there?”

Sam looked down at the floor as he moved his feet back and forth nervously. He suddenly felt like a small child caught doing something bad. “The bus,” his voice was a mere whisper. Dean strained to hear the answer.

“What was that?” he snapped. Sam remained looking at the floor as he stood in front of his big brother.

“The bus,” he said a little more loudly.

“The bus!” Dean shouted. “Have you lost your mind? You could have ended up anywhere. Dammit Sammy,” Dean growled.

“I not get lost,” Sam spoke suddenly. His speech resorting to fragmentation. “I learn mmm…map and take rrr…right bbb…buses. I ask Dar…lene to explain maps in rehab. She show me.”

“Sonofabitch! They’ve got no right showing you that shit you could have ended up anywhere,” Dean ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

“Not end up anywhere,” Sam shouted back. “I kkk…know what bbb…bus to ttt…take there and bbb…back. I ddd…do it on my own. I’m not stt…stu…pid.” Dean could see how upset he had made Sam and he could hear how badly his sentences were breaking apart a sure sign he was upset.

“Sammy,” Dean lowered his voice. “It’s just…”

“No!” Sam barked. “You ttt…think I ccc…can’t do on my own. I ddd…did it! I ggg…got there on my own. I ppp…paid with mmm…my own mmm…money from my acc…account. I ddd…do on my own!”

“Sammy,” Dean began tentatively.

“No! Bbb…bite mmm…me,” he spat cutting his brothers words off. Sam stormed down the hall and slammed his door. Dean stared down the hall and then let out a frustrated sign and sat down on the couch running a hand over his face.

“Well, that went well.” John offered candidly.

“I should go talk to him,” Dean started to stand.

“Dean Winchester,” Missouri’s voice was chiding. “Sit your back side down… now.” Her tone was level; however, it brooked no argument.

“But…” Dean attempted.

“But nothing,” Missouri countered. “Now, you’re going to sit and listen to me before you manage to push that brother of yours any further away.” John knew enough to stay quiet. Missouri Mosley had proved over the years to be a very good sounding board, and source of good advice even though it came under her heavy handed tough love.

“Dean, child,” Missouri began. “And, you too John,” she admonished just to make sure the senior Winchester in the family didn’t think he was off the hook. “Look, I know you both worry about the boy, I do. But, Dean he’s an adult no matter how you slice it.” She saw Dean begin to interrupt. “Not a word from you until I’m done,” she ordered. “That boy is twenty-four years old, and yes he has some difficulties, but he isn’t a child and you shouldn’t make him feel like one. You chided him like he was six and had snuck out of the house and walked to the park alone. You can’t do that.” Missouri took a breath and looked at both Winchester men.

“I know that you both worry because of the potential seizures, but you can’t keep him on a leash just to make sure he’s safe. That boy in there is like a handful of sand Dean,” she replied. “And, the tighter you try to hang on to him the faster he’s gonna slip right through your fingers. And, that goes for you too John,” Missouri interjected. “You’re not as bad as Dean is, but you’re damn close.”

“He could die,” Dean blurted suddenly to break Missouri’s tirade. “If he has another grand mal like the last one … do you get that he could die? He would have died the last time if no one was there. You don’t get it!” Missouri could feel the love and desperation that rolled off Dean for his little brother. Her eyes were soft as she looked at the young man seated in front of her.

“Dean, I do understand,” she replied. “I know you’re scared for him, but you can’t stop him from having a life. Sam can’t survive in a bell jar, honey. He’s cut from a different cloth than you and your daddy. You know I’m right,” she spoke softly. “And, you need to know that whatever presumed control you think you have over his life and decisions that you only have as much power as he has given you. He is an adult.”

“It’s different for him now,” Dean interrupted. “And you know it. Sam doesn’t understand certain things anymore and he needs to learn them again even if he can. Life is different for him now Missouri … he’s different. And, I don’t mean that in a negative way, but it’s the way it is.”

“Are you prepared to have him deemed mentally incompetent Dean? Are you ready to say he’s not able to make his own life and medical decisions?”

“No! Of course not!” Dean answered sharply.

“Well, then,” Missouri began. “You better loosen those apron strings before that boy suffocates under the tightness. And, you may not like it, but that boy can make his own decisions and sometimes they may be ones that get you worried, but you’re gonna have to let him make his own mistakes and learn from them. So, unless you’re prepared to take your brother’s choices and his independence away by going to court then you better get used to him doing things on his own when he wants to.”

“You make it sound so simple Missouri, but it isn’t like that for him. Yeah, he can make decisions about some things, but not everything Missouri. Hell, he has trouble with a calculator. He goes to occupational therapy to learn things he either can’t remember he knew or that he lost all together. He still has trouble holding a ballpoint pen. And, with his seizure disorder I can’t take the chance in him being unsupervised.”

“He’s right Missouri,” John spoke up finally. He had been biting his tongue long enough. “Missouri I can’t thank you enough for helping me and the boys since my heart attack, but with all due respect … your nose is poking where it doesn’t belong.”

“Well, someone better before you run that boy off all together.”

“Run off!” Dean barked. “Where’s he gonna go? He had to have the bus map explained to him. He isn’t allowed to drive. He can’t go anywhere.”

“Dean, you and your father both know that you shouldn’t underestimate that child. What are you gonna do if you get up one day and he’s gone, huh? Sam isn’t stupid and if he wants to go … he’ll go.”

“He won’t. He ran off once before and no matter how pissed he gets he won’t put us through that again,” Dean replied.

“Missouri this is my family and they are my son’s,” John added.

“Yeah, they are John Winchester and we’ve seen how much you’ve done right by them haven’t we?” her voice sarcastic. “You leave your youngest in a coma with a horrible head injury and drop all that woe on your firstborn. Yeah, John they’re your son’s and you don’t deserve them.”

“Hold on one damn minute,” Dean growled. “You got no right passing judgment on my father. Whatever has happened that’s between us not you.” And, just as the argument was about to step up a notch a quiet voice brought all of their attentions up. Sam stood in the room with his hands fidgeting with each other as he faced the combative trio in front of him.

“I www…want to sss…say sss…some…thing,” Sam’s eyes surveyed each person individually and landed back at his brother.

“Sure Sammy,” Dean spoke. Sam lifted a hand indicating to Dean to shut up, so he silenced himself.

“I www…won’t apol…ogize for leaving and taking the bbb…bus. I wouldn’t have gone if I ddd…didn’t know hhh…how to get there. I’m not a kid. I knn…know I have sss…sei…zures, but I ccc…can’t worry about that every ddd…day. I shh…should be able ttt…to say I’m going somewhere and jjj…just be able to ggg…go. I’m nnn…not fff…five any…more. I ddd…don’t need a baby…sss…sitter. You and ddd…dad make me fff…feel like you ddd…don’t ttt…trust me to ttt…take care of myself. I’m twen…twenty-fff…four.” Sam fell silent and looked at the three sets of eyes staring at him. Dean stood up, but kept his distance from Sam allowing his little brother some room.

“Sammy,” Dean began. “Dad and I trust you.”

“Your brother’s right,” John added as he stayed seated.

“It’s just Sam … your situation is different. You could have another big seizure. It could kill you if you’re alone.”

“Ppp…people lll…live with sss…sei…zures everyday and they hhh…have lives,” Sam supplied.

“Yeah, they do Sammy, but you’re different. If you have another grand mal and no one is around to call for help … you could die … and that is unacceptable to me. What if you had had a seizure on the bus, huh? We could have lost you.” Sam shook his head.

“No,” he spoke softly. “You and ddd…dad try to keep me sss…safe and sss…say you want me sss…supervised, bbb…but I could hhh…have a sss…sei…zure in the middle of the night and you wouldn’t know until mmm…morn…ing. It ddd…doesn’t matter where I am.”

“Out of the mouth of babes,” Missouri spoke up. Dean and John looked at her. “He’s right. He could just as easily have a seizure in the middle of the night and you wouldn’t know until it was probably long over and too late. You can’t protect him from this,” Missouri supplied. “The boy couldn’t be more right.”

Dean sat there dumbfounded for a long moment. He shared a concerned look with his father. Sam was right they both thought privately. Suddenly, Dean felt his stomach clench at the thought of waking one morning only to discover Sammy had had a seizure in the middle of the night and died. The mental picture assaulted Dean’s senses and he flinched slightly.

“Sam,” John began. He was unsure of his voice at that moment his mind like Dean’s was reeling. How could that notion never crossed his mind before, John chided himself in his head. “I guess you’re right. I just never wanted to think that something would happen to you here and your brother and I not know about it, but you’re right. Sammy your brother and I don’t want you to feel like we think you’re a kid or that we don’t trust you. Please, it’s just that we worry…”

“I knn…know,” Sam conceded. “Bbb…but I nnn…need to be able to try thh…things on my own when I want ttt…to.” John nodded.

“You did good today Sammy,” John spoke suddenly. “I mean… you were able to use the maps to get on the right buses and then you made coffee this morning. I’m sorry if we’ve made you feel belittled or hurt you.” Sam looked at his father and saw the sincerity in the man’s eyes. “It’s just we worry that if something were to happen…”

“I ttt…took my ID and hhh…had my cell phone. I wore mmm…my med…ical brace…let. And, I ttt…took my meds. If sss…some…thing hap…pened then some…one would call. It’s mmm…my life.” Sam replied.

“Yes, it is,” John conceded.

“Fine, Sammy,” Dean began with a long sigh. “You want some more freedom … we’ll work something out, okay?” Sam nodded.

Missouri looked on at the Winchester family. “Well, that’s some progress.”

Later the Next Day

Sam had gone to the library to work for the day. The Christmas holiday had fallen on a Tuesday, so there wasn’t a long holiday weekend. Dean had gone into work for a half day. He had returned on a limited basis just to make some extra money. Missouri had come over around 9:00 to start making meals to freeze that would get the Winchester men through at least three weeks. She wanted to make sure they were eating well for a while until their lives were back into full swing. John sat in the kitchen reading the paper as she cooked. They exchanged banter most of the morning, and there seemed to be no hard feelings from the previous day’s exchange of words.

John went to the family room and picked up the cordless phone to call a number he knew by heart. Something had been bothering him since yesterday and he knew he needed to find a solution. He suspected it was bothering Dean, as well. After all, both Dean and John had run into each other late last night as he started to sneak into Sam’s room just as Dean was sneaking out. They both looked at each other knowing full well why they were there. Sam’s statement about a nighttime seizure had scared both John and Dean more than they had led on.

“Ivy Ridge Rehab Center, how may I direct your call?”

“Yes, is Dr. Myers in today?”

“Yes, she is. Whom should I say is calling?”

“John Winchester.”

“Hold on while I transfer your call.”

“Thank you.”

John call landed with Dr. Myers administrative assistant, Becky. “She’s on the other line Mr. Winchester. She should be done anytime now. Do you want to hold?”

“Yes, thanks Becky.”

“Oh, you’re welcome.”

John hung on the line a couple minutes and then heard Dr. Myers familiar voice. “Hello, Mr. Winchester. It’s good to hear your voice. How are you feeling? Sam told me you’d be home in time for the holidays.”

“Yes, it’s good to be home with my boys.”

“What can I do for you?”

“I’m hoping you have a solution to something that has Dean and I both worried.”

“Okay, tell me.”

“Is there something we can use … a monitoring device or something for Sam at night. We’ve started to worry that if he were to have another grand mal seizure at night while we were sleeping… I just worry that he could stop breathing again and we’d never know.”

Dr. Myers spoke with John for awhile and finally offered up a solution. “Sometimes when families are sent home with a baby that was premature or had breathing problems they are sent home with an oxygen monitor that warns when either the baby’s oxygen levels are too low or has stopped breathing. I could prescribe something like that for Sam. It’s the same set-up as the hospital. He’d simply sleep with a clip on his finger, and should he seize and stop breathing the alarm would sound to indicate that he wasn’t breathing.”

“And, the monitoring equipment?”

“It’s a medium size unit. The main unit would stay in Sam’s room, but it comes with one satellite unit that’s about the size of a portable baby monitor. The alarm would sound and alert you that there was a situation. I can call into a Jefferson City Medical Supply and prescribe one for Sam. They’ll explain the simple set-up and you can carry it out of there. I’ll make arrangements through Sam’s social worker here at the center. The state will pay for the equipment purchase since the seizure disorder is a life-long potential problem and Sam is considered special needs in the eyes of the state. His social worker Lena will handle the paperwork. I’ll have a medical rush put on the papers. It may take a week for the paperwork to go through, but the supply store will allow you to get the equipment today.”

John finished with the phone call feeling as if a weight had been lifted off his chest. He called Dean’s cell phone. “Dad?” Dean’s voice held a hint of panic. “You okay?”

“I’m fine. I spoke with Dr. Myers.”

“Why? Something wrong with Sammy?”

“No, I spoke to her about a solution for our nighttime dilemma.”

“And?”

John went on to explain what she had prescribed. He gave Dean the information he’d need to pick up the equipment and told him where the supply was located. “Sammy’s not gonna like this,” Dean supplied as they ended their conversation.

“Maybe not, but once he’s sees it’s better than being dead he’ll give in. And, anyway he’ll know it’s to give us peace of mind. He’ll be okay Dean.”

“Yeah, I guess … no other way really.”

New Year’s Day, January 1, 2008

Dean was on his way back from the airport having dropped of Missouri for her flight back to Kansas. She had brought in the new year with them all and had told to never hesitate calling her or coming for a visit. The airport wasn’t too crowded and Missouri had insisted he drop her off and not park. Sam had stayed home with John. The roads weren’t too busy at 9:30 AM. Dean figured half of the city was probably sleeping off hangovers from New Year’s Eve parties. He smiled to himself and shook his head … boy, had his life changed in the past year. There was a time he would have been one of those fellow hung over people, but that wasn’t his life now. It hadn’t been that long ago, but somehow it seemed like an eternity. His father was scheduled to begin his heart rehab in another week, and Sam was back to his regular routine.

Sam had been annoyed a few days ago when they had told him about the oxygen monitor, but much to Dean and John’s relief he hadn’t put up as big a fight as they had prepared to endure. Dean’s mind wandered back to a memory two days after they started using it. He and his father both wanted monitor duty, so they agreed to trade off and share. Dean remembered he had the first week.

Sam slept like a log on his new seizure medication. He did all right during the day on it, but oddly enough at night when he took his final dose for the day it knocked him out. Dean was fast asleep when a loud beep intruded into his dreamland date with a Playboy pinup. He grumbled into his pillow trying to ignore the noise that seemed determined to ruin his good time, and then with a sudden gripping panic he shot up into a sitting position in his bed. His eyes taking one quick moment to see the red light flashing on the monitor and hear its incessant beep as his mind filled with one thought, one purpose, get to Sammy. John’s sleep had been shattered by the unexpected alarm sound as well. It had been more muted through his closed door, but as Dean threw open his door the sound filled the hallway. John bolted from his bed. His heart hammering in his chest out of fear. Both men shared horrified looks as they burst into Sam’s room.

Sam remained sleeping soundly as Dean ran to him. John reached out and stopped Dean from grabbing his brother. “No, Dean look…” John said as he pointed to a clearly non-seizing Sam. “He’s not having a seizure.”

“Dad, the alarm…” Dean barked.

“Easy, son,” John answered as he bent down and picked up the pulse-ox monitor clip that had worked its way off. “Sam must have knocked it off in his sleep.” John gently grasped Sam’s hand and clipped it back in place. And, to Dean’s relief he saw the oxygen levels that weren’t showing a moment ago glow into life with a 98. Both Dean and John relaxed noticeably and they left much more quietly than they had entered and Sam was never the wiser.

“Man, that new medicine really knocks him on his ass at night,” Dean commented. Both men had sat up in the kitchen for an hour talking about anything since both were too wired to sleep immediately after the Sam scare. “Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“That kinda shook me up,” Dean’s voice shaky at the admitted fear. John let out a sigh and patted his son’s arm.

“Me too son. Me too,” John replied.

Dean pulled into the driveway and into the garage. It still seemed strange that everything he had wanted for the longest time had fell into place. He had his family with him, but there had been a huge price that all of them had paid in one way or the other. He walked into the kitchen and found his dad reading the paper, and Sam was digging in the freezer for his whole wheat frozen waffles. Man, who ever heard of a whole wheat waffle, Dean mused in his own head. I have a health food freak little brother.

“Everything go okay at the airport?” John asked putting his paper down.

“Yeah,” Dean answered pouring himself a cup of coffee. Sam was still digging. The freezer was fuller than usual since Missouri had pre-cooked almost three weeks worth of main dishes and had frozen them. “So, Mr. Organic,” Dean quipped in Sam’s direction. “Looking for those whole wheat pieces of crap you like to eat?”

“Not crap,” Sam mumbled from the freezer.

“What ever you say,” Dean volleyed back and took a seat at the kitchen table across from his father. He grabbed a discarded piece of the newspaper and started to read.

“Fff…found them,” Sam’s voice was excited. Dean just rolled his eyes. John lowered his paper slightly and watched his boys. Dean had his nose in the paper just like his old man and Sam was confidently working the toaster oven to toast his waffles. The new year had come in relatively quiet with a good meal ala Missouri and they had watched the tried and true New Year’s tradition on the TV and had watched the ball drop in New York City’s Times Square. He felt lucky to be alive and to have his boys, and silently John Winchester prayed that their lives would have a quiet year. However, something in his gut whispered a different answer, and he pushed it away … for now.

Three Months Later, March 2008

“John?” Dan came around the corner of the body shop where John was taping off a car to paint the body.

“Yeah?” John looked up from taping down paper over the windshield.

“You doin’ okay?” John smiled and shook his head with amusement.

“Dan … I’m fine. It’s not like body painting is that strenuous. Look, the doctor gave me the okay to drive and return to work.”

“Yeah, but I’m just makin’ sure.”

“I’m not running a marathon,” John pointed out. “I’m good.” John still attended his heart rehab for two hours every Friday afternoon. He had reduced his work week since the heart attack. He worked Monday – Thursday now and gave himself a three day weekend to relax with his boys. Dean had returned to his usual schedule with Larry and things were good.

Two Weeks Earlier, Last Week of February 2008

Sam sat at the bus stop on Webber Street waiting for the bus to his dentist. He was getting over a bad case of the flu and Dean and his dad had tried to convince him he could always cancel his dental check-up and cleaning appointment until he felt better, but he didn’t want to mostly because he was taking the bus to the doctor’s office all on his own, and he didn’t want to pass up the chance. And, since the holidays had passed Dean and John had been true to their word about letting Sam have more roaming space. He only had to tell them where he was going and the route being taken. Of course, every once in a while his cell phone would ring and it was his brother checking up on him, but he wasn’t complaining. He still attended his rehab on Thursday’s and Friday’s and he was really pushing his occupational and speech therapy. Mel did his PT with him to help his reflexes improve and he still tried to run, but that never worked out. But, he would keep trying.

Present Time: The Winchester House, 5:00 PM

“Dean stop looking at your watch,” John chided. “You know he was going to the dentist after work for a filling he needed after his check-up and cleaning two weeks ago, and the office is across town. He’ll be back soon. He had to transfer buses, remember?”

“Yeah, and that’s what I’m worried about dad. I mean, yeah Sammy getting all over town these days, but it’s usually from point A to point B and no stops in between.”

“I know, but he’ll be fine.” John handed Dean three plates for the table. “Here, set the table and take your mind off it.”

“What are you making?”

“Grilled chicken,” John answered. “And some mixed veggies.” Dean grinned to himself, but John didn’t miss it. “What?”

“Nothing,” Dean offered.

“Dean,” his father’s tone was annoyed.

“I’m not making fun … it’s just I’m glad you’re taking all that heart rehab stuff seriously. And, I never thought I’d see the day we were eating like this. I mean, maybe fried chicken from KFC, but you grilling the chicken and stuff. Maybe, you oughta have your own show dad,” Dean said with a chuckle.

“Ha-ha,” John replied sarcastically. “Well, it’s either eat like this or watch your old man drop over again.” A haunted look passed over Dean’s face for a moment and was gone. John frowned. “I didn’t mean anything by that son,” he offered quickly. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine dad,” Dean answered. “I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” John’s attention was drawn away for a second and Dean looked at him.

“What?”

“I think I just heard the front door,” he replied with a smile. Dean broke into a relieved smile as he called out from the kitchen.

“That you Sammy?”

“Yeah,” came the tired reply. Sam walked into the kitchen and John and Dean both looked at him.

“Damn Sammy, you look like crap,” Dean offered.

“Thh…thanks Dean … I fff…feel the love.” Sam replied as he sat heavily in the chair at the table.

“You feelin’ okay Sam?” John asked looked at his son’s milk white complexion. “Was the dentist bad?”

“No, it www…was fine. Just tired.” Dean shook his head as he sat down in his seat.

“You did good Sammy,” John congratulated. “You didn’t have any trouble with the bus transfer?” John felt he should be supportive if Sam’s accomplishment.

“Nnn…no it was fff…fine,” Sam answered with an exhausted voice and slight grin.

“Leave it to you Sammy to catch the flu in spring. Only you man, only you.” Sam rolled his eyes, but chose not to respond to his brother. “I mean, really Sammy, you’ve been down with this for a while. I thought it was clearing up, but you look more like a corpse everyday.”

“It’s ggg…going away,” Sam retorted. “Not a cor…cor…pse.”

“Yeah, whatever you say,” his voice not convinced. “Well, maybe you should hit the rack early,” Dean suggested.

“I’m fff…fine. Not ttt…tired. I’m not …” Dean raised a hand and finished the thought for his brother.

“…a little kid. I know,” Dean said with a sigh. “It was just a suggestion. So, how’d the bus transfer go?”

“Fine.”

John finished with the food. He didn’t mind being the primary food preparer during the week; after all it made sense since he got home before Dean. John and Dean were having a lively conversation about the sportronic transmission in the new Mitsubishi’s and in the midst of talking about torque they realized one member at the table was quiet. They both turned their heads to look at Sam and they smiled. Sam had propped his elbow up on the table and leaned into his hand. He was fast asleep as his hand supported his cheek and chin.

“Not tired my ass,” Dean whispered under his breath as he exchanged looks with is father. John smiled warmly toward Sam. He reached over and placed his hand on his son’s other cheek. The touch woke Sam and he opened his bleary eyes.

“Hey son,” John said softly. “Why don’t you go get cleaned up and call it a night.” Sam knew he had fallen asleep at the table, and it would be pointless to say he wasn’t tired, so he conceded.