Summary:  A family tragedy during a hunt redirects the lives of the Winchester's in a way they could have never predicted.
Warning:  AU.  WARNING MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH(S) IN LATE CHAPTER(S).
A/N:  I hope you enjoy this newest story. This story may different than what you’re used to reading from me. It’s not laden with tons and tons of angst, although there is angst for a few chapters here and there, especially the beginning. I just had an idea I wanted to run with and get out of my system, so here it is. Also, I already have several new stories begging to be written and when I can I will write them.
Happy reading, I hope!
Disclaimer:  The characters of Supernatural were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made. Note:  Title of this chapter is taken from the Sheryl Crow song by the same title. Also, the term ACLS stands for two things, depending on use: 1. acute care life support or 2. Advanced cardiac life support (pertains to cardiac stimulating drugs used during resuscitations) both indicate intense medical treatment/intervention is in use.

Twenty-minutes later, the Blue Earth Medical Center Emergency Room

“He’s back in sinus rhythm,” Dr. Reyes called out. “Now, if he’d just maintain that rhythm. He needs a stat MRI, now!”

“Is he stable enough for transport?” a young intern asked.

“No, but we have no choice. The head injury is bad. Pupils are fixed and dilated. I gotta see what’s going on in there. If he codes again we’ll deal with it in the MRI … have a crash cart ready with ACLS.”

“Pretty messed up, huh? That damn truck driver isn’t even hurt.”

“No, but the police are detaining him … turns out his blood alcohol was .13 he went and got tanked after work while still driving a work vehicle.” The doctor and his intern shook their heads sadly. “Damn shame,” Dr. Reyes said as he looked at his patient before following the staff out the door to the MRI lab.

Meanwhile, the Second Trauma Room

The trauma room was a flurry of activity. A layperson walking in would be horrified at the rib spreaders dipping into the lifeless body lying prone on the gurney.

“Increase fluid volume. I want the IV’s wide open. Damn blunt force trauma. Aortic involvement. Hang another unit of O Neg, on the rapid infuser, now!”

“We’re pumping it in … he’s just losing volume quicker than we can replace it.” Doctor Odden’s intern answered. “I’m continuing with open cardiac massage.” Dr. Odden nodded to his intern. He glanced at the young intern as he reached in and began to manually massage the heart of his patient.

“Dammit!” Dr. Odden barked. “I gotta cross clamp the aorta, but I can’t get a fix on the damn tear…” the doctor felt around with a gloved hand. “Found it! Cross clamping. Call OR and have cardiology on alert. We’re bringing a redline trauma patient up. Damn, call every one … Orthopedics, too. We’ve got a severe femoral fracture that’s going to require surgery.”

“They’re ready and waiting,” a nurse called out. “Also Neurology is on stand-by.”

“Got a weak pulse back,” the intern answered as the heart in his hands began to beat weakly in his hand as he released it.”

“What’s his rate?” Dr. Odden barked as he worked feverishly to suture some other bleeders inside the chest.

“Forty-eight.”

“Push a bolus of Lidocaine and Epi,” he commanded. “Let’s roll! Keep ventilating him. I don’t want his oxygen numbers dropping below 90, got it?” The staff nodded as they placed a sterile plastic cover over the open chest and left the room urgently with their patient’s life hanging by a thread.

Two Hours Later, the Hospital

“Beverly,” Dr. Odden ran a hand over his tired eyes. “Can you pull up the number for St. Mary’s church; please … I need to make a call to a friend.”

“Pastor Jim’s church?” she questioned.

“Yeah, you know him?”

“I go to St. Mary’s,” she replied. “What’s wrong?”

“Those two trauma cases that came in earlier … they’re his family.”

“Oh, No,” she said with her hand instinctively covering her mouth in shock. “Here it is,” she scribbled it on a Post-it note.

“Thanks. Do you know where Dr. Reyes is? He was treating one of them.” Her face darkened.

“The ICU.” Dr. Odden frowned.

“No surgery?” She shook her head sadly.

“No, I heard the MRI wasn’t good.” Dr. Odden felt sick to his stomach. This family had endured so much and had been so strong and now two lives were in danger of being lost and by the sounds of it one life was basically lost already and he still had no idea of what was happening in the OR.

“I’ll go get some info and then I’ll call Jim.”

The ICU, twenty-minutes later

“You’re sure? No doubts?” Kirk Odden clarified with his friend and colleague.

“Kirk I know this is hard for you and I’m sorry,” Jerry Reyes answered. “But, the MRI was conclusive and I even had the Chief of Neuro Surgery consult for a second opinion. The damage is total. There are no higher brain functions showing on the EEG. There are five skull fractures and one is a crush injury to the brain. The bleeding was so pronounced that the pressure actually shifted the brain midline. He was basically dead on impact Kirk, it’s just taking his body a little longer to figure it out. We’ve got him on life support until the family has a chance to see him. His rhythm is unstable but we seem to be keeping control of it. I just want them to be able to say goodbye and then get permission to terminate life support.”

“Sonofabitch,” Kirk hissed as he looked at the patient lying lifeless in the bed hooked to tubes and machines.

“How’s yours doing?”

“In surgery. Had to crack his chest in the ER … aortic bleed. Heart stopped and wouldn’t fill with blood. I had to cross clamp the aorta and we got a rhythm back, weak but at least he had a palpable pulse when we got him to the OR.”

“What about head injuries?”

“The portable CAT scan showed swelling and a possible area of bleeding, but I had to get his heart filling and beating again …”

“Hey man, I know. Look you got him to the OR alive. You gave him a chance.”

“Yeah,” Kirk nodded. “I gotta call a friend and tell him what happened. Jesus, this is so screwed up.”

“I know.”

Four Hours Later, the ICU

“Jim is there anything I can do for you?” Kirk Odden asked quietly as he stepped into the ICU room. Jim looked up. His eyes were tired and agonized.

“Have you heard from the OR yet?”

“No, not yet. I just know they have him on bypass while they operate. I know they called in neurology to evacuate some blood from his brain.”

“But, he’s alive,” Jim asked again.

“Jim, he’s fighting, but I’m not going to lie to you … there is a chance when they take him off bypass that his heart may need help starting again and there is a chance he might not be able to be resuscitated, but for now bypass is doing the work of his heart and lungs.”

Jim’s eyes shifted back the bed and he placed a hand on his loved one’s arm. “I gotta call Dean,” Jim said suddenly. “He needs to be here. This isn’t my decision to make,” he said indicating the machines and implying what the doctors had told him about life support being terminated because there was no brain activity and that the trauma was unrecoverable. Kirk Odden nodded.

“Whatever you need to do Jim. They’ll do their best to keep him going, but…”

“I know,” Jim understood that it was a losing battle as the broken body was slowly letting go. “Dean needs to say goodbye … please, just do everything you have to,” Jim’s voice broke with emotion and his eyes filled with tears.

“We will Jim.”

Meanwhile, Cambridge, Massachusetts, Dean and Julie’s Apartment

Julie grabbed a paper towel to dry her hands as the phone rang. She grabbed it on the third ring. “Hello?”

“Julie? It’s Jim.”

“Hi Jim, how are you? It’s nice to hear from you … unexpected but nice.”

“Julie is Dean there? I need to speak to him.” There was a shake to Jim’s tone of voice that immediately alerted Julie’s sixth sense.

“Dean left a little bit ago to run an errand. He doesn’t have his cell with him, but he should be back in ten minutes or so. What’s wrong? Has something happened?”

“Julie there’s been a car accident … John and Sam … it’s …” Jim voice trailed off and he took a breath. Julie clutched the phone. “It’s bad. He needs to come home on the first flight he can get on.”

“Jim, how bad are they hurt?” Julie felt hot tears spring to her eyes. This was her family, too. She and Dean weren’t married yet, but John, Sam and Jim were part of her family now.

“It’s very bad Julie … I can’t …”

“No, Jim, it’s okay. Listen to me; I’ll get us the first flight we can get on. We’ll be there soon.”

“They’re at Blue Earth Medical Center, Julie. Call and let me know about the flight, okay? You and Dean need to hurry.”

“I’ll call the airlines as soon as we hang up. See you soon. Jim, give our love to them.” Jim closed his eyes in anguish secretly glad the young woman about to marry Dean couldn’t see his face and the silent tears cascading down his cheeks.

“Talk to you then. God bless.”

“You too Jim, bye.”

Thirty Minutes Later, the Apartment

“Jules, I’m back. Sorry I’m late, but traffic was a bitch…” his voice trailed off as he walked through the small apartment and saw Julie hurrying around throwing clothes into two separate bags. “Jules? What are you doing?”

“We’re on a flight in two hours to Blue Earth. The tickets will be waiting at the American Airlines reservations desk for us.” A flash of alarm crossed Dean’s face.

“What? Why? What’s wrong … did something happen to Sammy?” Dean felt the bile creep up in his throat. Julie stopped packing for a moment.

“Honey, Jim called … he said there’s been a car accident and your dad and Sam were hurt. He said it was bad and that you had to get there as soon as possible.”

“How bad?” Dean barked. “What else did he say? Are they in surgery? What?!”

“I don’t know Dean. He wouldn’t say. He just said it’s very bad and that you needed to be on the first flight we could get out of Massachusetts. I’ve already called him and told him our plane lands at 9:00 PM tonight.” Dean began throwing things into his bag without another word. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest.

“Come on let’s go.”

Two Days Later, the ICU

Dean’s hand shook as he signed the forms on the clipboard from Dr. Reyes. Jim placed a comforting hand on Dean’s knee. “I want some time before…” Dean had had two days of hoping the doctors were wrong, but he knew it was futile … it was time to let him go.

“Of course, I’ll be back when you’re …” he left it unfinished knowing that despite the fact Dean had signed the papers he would never be truly ready or prepared to let his loved one go. Dean nodded tightly. He had been separating his time the last two days between to horrible nightmares. He’d walk from one ICU room to another to see his father and brother. They were only two rooms apart in the unit. Julie was splitting her time between managing things at Jim’s and the hospital. She and Dean took turns sitting with John or Sam. Dean didn’t want either of them to be alone.

Dean’s tears ran unchecked down his face after the doctor left pulling the curtain for privacy. “Jim … I …”

“Shh, Dean, you did the right thing.”

“Will you do it?” Dean’s voice shook. Jim looked at Dean a bit confused.

“Do what?”

“Say a prayer or something … Last Rites, I don’t care … it’s just …” Jim placed his arm around Dean’s shoulders.

“Dean, you’re not alone in this,” Jim comforted. Dean looked into Jim’s caring gaze and believed him. It was true. Jim was losing a loved one tonight while another still clung to life, barely. “Of course, I will.” Jim stood up and looked down onto the familiar face. He placed his hand gently on the cool forehead. “Oh Heavenly Father, let your perpetual light shine upon your servant as he crosses over to your kingdom. Grant him your mercy and welcome him home. Forgive him any trespasses. Let the fire of the Holy Spirit now descend that his soul may be awakened to the world beyond. Amen.” Dean’s choked sob was muffled as he leaned forward burying his face into his father’s chest that rose and fell mechanically.

“Dad, I’m sorry, so sorry,” he whispered.

“Dean,” Jim spoke softly. “You’ve done nothing to be sorry for. Your father wouldn’t want to live on machines. He’d want you to let him go. It would have been incredibly hard for him, but he would have done the same for you or Sammy. “I’ll leave you alone with your dad.” Jim turned to leave and stopped. He walked back to John’s bedside. “I’ll keep an eye on the boys John. I’ll miss you old friend.” He dropped his hand gently onto John’s head and allowed his friend’s dark hair to slip in and out of his grasp. “Rest well my friend,” he said quietly to John’s ear. “Be at peace.” He leaned in and kissed his long time friend’s forehead. “I’ll be outside waiting.” Dean nodded.

“Dad,” Dean’s voice broke. He looked at his father whose face was bruised and scraped from glass and metal striking it in the wreck. There was a pale yellow plastic mouth piece covering his mouth as it held the ventilator tubing in place. His father’s body was broken. There were bones that had broken in the wreck, but were simply splinted when the MRI had shown the devastating brain injury and it was plain that John would not recover. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you. Sammy’s hanging on, but …” Dean pulled his father’s hand up to his cheek and held it there. “Dad, I can’t lose both of you. He’s bad Dad … Sammy’s in bad shape …” Dean’s face crumbled into a sob. “I don’t know what to do.”

John stood in the corner of the room leaning with his back against the wall. He watched his eldest grieve for him and worry for his little brother that clung to life two doors down. “You have to be strong Dean,” John spoke. Dean continued to watch his father and hold his hand.

“I know you’d probably say … I need to be strong Dad, if you could, but…” John smiled.

“No buts kiddo,” John said lightly as he pushed himself off the wall and went to stand by his son and placed his hand on his son’s shoulder. Dean felt a moment of calmness fill him in the middle of the chaos that had claimed his life over two days ago. “You gotta let me go Dean. It’s time. I’m going to miss you boys so much,” John said as he looked at his son. “I’m so proud of you Dean and I’m glad we had your graduation. Just be strong and I’ll always be with you when you need me, but you have to let me go. Sammy needs his big brother now.”

“I’m gonna miss you so much Dad,” Dean lamented. He stood up and leaned over his father. He rested his cheek against his father’s hair and closed his eyes. “I love you,” he whispered with silent tears spilling down his cheeks. “So much … always know that.”

“I do,” John smiled warmly at his son. “It’s time Dean.”

Dean kissed his father’s forehead and took a steadying breath and pushed the curtain aside to get the doctor and Jim. It was time to turn the machines off and let his father go. John left the room and walked to Sam’s room.

Meanwhile, Sam’s ICU room

“I have to hurry Sammy,” John looked down on his broken child. “Listen to me sport. You have to fight hard, okay? You’ve got a fight ahead of you, but you can’t give up. If you feel yourself slipping Sammy you have to fight … fight for your brother,” John encouraged. He had no say in whether his son would survive … the whole being a spirit; out of body experience was new to him. John felt death nearby and knew it was waiting for him and possibly his baby boy, too. “You fight Sammy with all your worth and then some. I love you kiddo … I always have and I always will. I’m with you always Sammy, always,” John’s voice choked. John felt a pull deep in his chest. It wasn’t uncomfortable; in fact it felt warm and gentle, but insistent. He leaned down and kissed his son. “Love you,” and he felt himself encompassed in a warm light and the life he had known passed away.

April looked around the room for a moment having felt the barest hint of a warm breeze and then returned her attention to Sam’s prone body.

Meanwhile, John’s Room

The room was silent. The tubes and monitors had been removed. All was silent. Time of death had been called. Dean sat at his father’s side still holding his hand just as he did when everything had been disconnected and removed. In the end, there was no pain, no tremble, just peace. “I gotta go be with Sammy now Dad,” Dean spoke quietly. He stood up still keeping contact with his dad’s hand and leaned in and whispered to his father one last time, “love you … rest well Dad.” Dean kissed his father’s forehead one final time feeling the coolness that had already begun to creep in with the absence of a beating heart.

“I’m going to stay for a few more minutes Dean,” Jim spoke in hushed tones. “I’ll make the necessary phone calls.” Dean turned thankful eyes toward Jim and nodded. “Go be with your brother.”

Four Days Later, the ICU

Dean had hated to leave Sam for the three hours he had been gone but today was their father’s memorial service and burial. Julie’s parents had driven down for the service and many friends and colleagues of John’s showed for the memorial. Julie knew about hunting he had told her what his family had done before Sam was hurt. He had told her about the demon that had come to their family and killed their mother. She had had trouble believing it, but when he had shown her some things she believed. Her parents had no clue and she intended on keeping it that way.

The service had been conducted by Jim at St. Mary’s Church. The coffin was closed and bore the US flag on it out of respect for John’s service as a Marine. Dean recalled looking at the coffin Jim had picked out … it was slate grey with brushed nickel handles. It wasn’t very ornamental … ornamental wasn’t his dad’s taste and Jim knew that. It was subtle and distinguished looking. His Dad would have approved. There was a blown up casual family snapshot with John standing in the middle of his two boys that stood near the coffin and it made Dean’s chest ache. The burial was at the adjacent cemetery next to the church. It was quiet with its rolling green hills dotted with granite and marble headstones. There were patches of color all over from flowers both planted for landscaping and also those left by loved ones at various stones. Jim had chosen a plot near an old Oak tree that overlooked a portion of the cemetery from a hill. Although, it wasn’t standard Jim had pulled a favor with a friend that designed the headstone and had it delivered and waiting at the burial site the day his father was buried. It was multi-colored granite of grey and black with small flecks of white and gold very subtle. Dean had noticed the small gold insignia for the Marines on his father’s stone. Jim had chosen the wording, as well and he approved of what Jim had had his friend inscribe in the stone for his father:

John E. Winchester
1954-2001
Loving Husband, Father and Friend
Remembered Forever

Dean had thought the spot suited his father. He was thankful that Jim had taken to handling all of the arrangements and even now Jim and Julie were back at the house hosting a gathering for friends. Dean needed to be with his brother.

He sat at his brother’s bedside as he always did. His mind still replayed the devastating injury list: aortic tear, multiple vascular bleeds, brain hematoma and swelling that had required neuro surgery to evacuate the blood, severe contusions to the heart and lungs, mild contusions to the liver and kidneys, severely bruised ribs, a fractured left femur that had required a steel rod and screws to repair, among other injuries.

“Sammy? Hey kiddo, it’s me,” Dean spoke softly. He looked at Sam’s bruised and scratched face. He had one hell of a shiner that looked like he’d been on the losing side of a bout with Mike Tyson. There was a small patch bandage on his left temple from where the neurologist went in to drain the blood on his brain. His long hair covered some of the bandage. Dean still had trouble with his brother’s chest. He had watched the nurse clean the chest wound every day. There was a long gauze strip that ran from the top of his brother’s sternum to just below the rib cage. Beneath the strip were surgical staples that were used to close the outer skin of his little brother’s chest when they had cracked his chest in the ER to save his life. The nurse had told him that the internal sutures would dissolve as the chest tissue healed, but the staples would be removed in a few days. Sam’s sternum had been wired together, as well. It made Dean’s gut clench when he thought about how Dr. Odden had used a sternum saw on his brother’s chest to gain access to his heart to stop the bleeding.

“Sorry, I had to leave you little brother, but I had some place to be and I couldn’t be here,” Dean reached up and ran his hand gently through his brother’s hair. Sam was pale and lifeless and if it weren’t for the machines indicating there was life Dean would doubt his brother was alive. “You hear me Sammy?” Dean encouraged reaching down and picking up his siblings hand and squeezed. “Come on, please,” he begged. “Move a finger or something kiddo, anything to let me know you’re still here.” Dean watched and waited, but nothing happened.

Three Days Later, the ICU

Dean and Jim walked into the ICU to relieve Julie. It had been a long morning at the lawyer’s office handling John’s last will and testament and there had been paperwork to handle. Dean had initially bristled at one of his father’s requests in his will but he understood his father really had Sam’s best interest at heart concerning guardianship and Dean accepted his father’s wishes. John’s will had been methodically done by his father with Jim’s lawyer only a few months before his death. Dean’s mind went back to the reading of the will. Jim’s friend and lawyer read John’s will aloud to both men:

I, John Edward Winchester being of sound mind and body hereby make my wishes known and acknowledge this is my Last Will and Testament. To My son Dean, I leave all my worldly possessions and half of my life insurance policy. In regard to my son Samuel Winchester ( adult dependant), and his continued care and living arrangements I request that Jim Murphy act as guardian for my son until my oldest son reaches the age of twenty-five and at that point sole guardianship should revert over to my oldest son, Dean Winchester. I request that both Jim Murphy and Dean Winchester share in decisions for my son Samuel Winchester in regard to his health and well-being.

I would prefer that Sam remain with his current living arrangements at 114 Route 12, Blue Earth, Minnesota unless there is some difficulty or other happenstance that requires him to be moved from his home. I also request that the second portion of my life insurance policy be held in trust for my son Sam and that those funds be managed by Jim Murphy and Dean Winchester in unison. I would like the funds used for his rehab and additional learning opportunities that the state does not cover fully or at all. It is my strong desire that my youngest son’s disabilities not define him in life and that he is given every opportunity to thrive in what ever way he is capable. In the event, that Sam’s guardian Jim Murphy should die before my son Dean Winchester reaches the age of twenty-five I wish that Sam’s care at that point be given fully to is older brother and that any money held in trust for Sam be fully accessible to my son Dean Winchester as Sam’s acting guardian and caregiver.

My son’s have been my greatest joy and gift in life and it my hope that they are both provided for and that life embrace them always.

John E. Winchester

The lawyer had stated that John had taken out a $500,000 dollar life insurance policy over two years ago but because his death was accidental it came with the addendum that in the event of accidental death the policy amount would be doubled. Dean had been staggered by the realization that his father had essentially left him and his little brother $1,000,000 dollars. He would gladly give it all back if it would give him back his father. There were wrongful death charges pending litigation, as well over the drunken driver who was currently being held without bond at the local jail and the company the man worked for was offering to pay for damages with a monetary amount. Dean was thankful that Jim was taking care of that end of things. He needed to focus on Sammy; his brother was all that mattered right now.

As Dean walked into the ICU he saw Julie first and knew that something was wrong. She stood outside Sam’s room near the nurse’s station. Dean could hear alarms sounding from his brother’s room, but the curtain was pulled and he couldn’t see.

“Julie,” Dean’s voice was harsh and worried. “What’s wrong with Sammy?” Julie looked at her fiancée with tear filled eyes.

“It was quiet,” her voice shook. “And, then all of a sudden the heart monitor went off. His heart stopped,” she choked back tears. Dean stared at the pulled curtain with agonized eyes.

“How long ago?” the strength of Jim’s voice belied his real emotions as he joined the conversation.

“Ten minutes,” Julie lamented. Dean turned numbly as if on auto pilot and walked out of the ICU. Julie watched with a stricken expression. Jim was torn … should he follow Dean who he was sure was convinced he had just lost the last of his family or stay. There was a quiet voice in Jim’s head telling him to stay where he was and that Dean would be fine.

Five Minutes Later, the Hospital Chapel

Dean entered the room with a purpose. There was something inside him that literally screamed he needed to be there. He wasn’t overly religious, although he did have faith in something, and he’d do anything for Sam. The chapel was empty. Candles flickered near the front of the chapel from a bronze case filled with red glass votives. He knew each candle represented a prayer left by someone for a loved one. He approached and grabbed a stick lighting a candle for his little brother and sat down in the front pew of the small chapel.

“Look I know I’ve never been much of the prayin’ type,” his voice shook with emotion. He took in a long shuddering breath to calm himself. “But, you took my Mom, and my Dad… you can’t take Sammy, too. He’s just a kid. He’s only eighteen. You’ve tested my family so much and Sam,” he stuttered. “He lost so much in that lake under the ice,” tears cascaded down his face. “My family lost something that day, but we got a new Sammy in return and I’m thankful, I am,” Dean asserted. “But, this … you have to cut this family a break. I’ve heard you’re not supposed to beg, but I’m begging you … please don’t take my brother. He’s my family, please …” Dean lowered his head. “You gotta save him. I buried my dad three days ago don’t make me bury my little brother, too. Please…” Dean’s voice trailed off and the tears came.

A few minutes later a hand on his shoulder made him jerk his head upward. He met eyes with Jim as the man sat down next to him. Jim crossed himself as he looked at the altar up front. Dean looked at him but said nothing. “I thought I might find you here,” Jim’s voice was even and held a hint of emotion.

“He’s gone isn’t he? Sammy’s dead?” Dean’s voice trembled. Jim turned warm caring eyes to Dean and covered the young man’s right hand with his own.

“He’s alive Dean.” Jim answered softly. Dean stared at Jim in disbelief. “I came to get you and bring you back. Dr. Odden wants to speak to you. Julie is up there waiting.”

“Alive? They got his heart beating again?” Dean wasn’t willing to believe.

“Yes,” Jim confirmed. “He’s fighting Dean. He’s fighting very hard.” Jim answered with conviction. “Now, let’s get you back to the ICU the doctor is waiting.”

Two Hours Later, ICU

Julie sat next to Dean silently offering support to her fiancée. Jim had finally left to go home to feed Duncan and tend to some obligations. “Jules,” Dean spoke softly as his eyes shifted from his little brother.

“Yes?”

“I think it’s time you went back to Cambridge.”

“What? I’m not going anywhere Dean. This is where I’m supposed to be.” Dean tried to smile but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“I know, but you need to go back and finish with your BAR preparation. The test is in two weeks. Jules,” Dean hurried on before she could say something. “I need to do this alone. I need to be with Sammy and with …” his voice trailed off slightly. “Since my dad…” he left it unfinished. “I can stay with Sammy full-time now.”

“I don’t want to leave you or Sam. What about Jim? I’ve been helping outside of here, too.”

“Julie, please honey, I know you want to help and that you think of Sammy and Jim as family and they are, but I can’t let you blow off the BAR, if you miss this round it’ll be another four months before you can take it.”

“What about BioTech?” Julie asked as her eyes shifted between Dean and Sam.

“I’ve spoken to them and they know the situation. I’m not due to start there until August. Sammy’s gonna be up and around in no time,” Dean tried to convince himself.

Julie finally relented. “Fine, but I don’t like it and I’m going to call everyday, even if it’s just to ask Jim about progress reports. I know you can’t have a cell phone in here.”

Two Weeks Later, ICU

“Hey sleepy head,” Dean’s voice was soft. The last two weeks had been touch and go but it seemed Sam had finally made a turn in the right direction. He had begin triggering the ventilator three days ago and making small purposeful movements although he remained in a coma. “The doc says you might decide to open those puppy eyes of yours pretty soon,” he ran a hand through Sam’s long locks while the other held his little brother’s hand. “He said he’s going to take that tube out later today. I bet you’ll be glad to have that thing out of your throat, huh?” Dean asked hoping for some kind of response and he got his wish, Sam moved his fingers in his brother’s hand and grasped them weakly. He didn’t wake and the action was more like a reflex of a baby latching onto fingers or something put into their hand, but it was something and it made Dean remember that there was still life in his brother and that he was going to leave this damn hospital with is brother awake and mending. They had lost their father and for now that was a pain and grief that Dean had to compartmentalize until he had the time to really deal with the loss but right now was not the time … Sam needed him, all of him and he couldn’t let his mind think about their father and his death, not yet at least.

“Dean?” Dr. Odden’s voice brought his attention away from Sam’s silent features. “I wanted to talk to you about the latest MRI result and some other test results.”

“Okay, outside,” Dean stood up. “I’ll be right back Sammy,” Dean gently ran his hand over the top of his brother’s head. “I’ll just be right outside your room door, okay?” He looked at the doctor and inclined his head toward the door. “Well?” Dean asked as they stepped outside. He didn’t like being away from his sibling any longer than he had to be.

“The MRI looked pretty good considering the initial prognosis when the swelling wasn’t abating. Now, the swelling is all but gone with the exception of some slight edema that remains as his bruised brain heals.”

“His lungs are strong enough now, right? You’re takin’ him off the ventilator today.”

“Yes, his bruised lungs are strong enough that’s why we’ve been weaning him slowly since he started triggering the vent. When he comes off it’s still going to be hard but that’s because the machine has been doing all the work and his breathing muscles will be weak, but I don’t expect there to be a problem. His other internal contusions are healing nicely.”

“His heart … what about the tests on it?”

“The cardiothoracic surgeon that operated on Sam said that he’s progressing well and that the aortic tear was repaired and is healing nicely based on his last chest MRI, and echocardiogram and the arrhythmias the severe bruising caused have been under control for a while and his cardiologist has removed his arrhythmia drugs. The incision site as you know has sealed itself and the staples were removed. His sternum will mend around the surgical wire used to close his rib cage. His sternum should be fully healed in another couple months until then he’ll need support to sit, lie down and stand and it’s going to be uncomfortable. His bruised ribs are healing, too.”

“What about the coma?” Dean’s eyes flitted into the room his brother was in and settled on his kid brother. “Will there be further deficits?”

“Dean,” Dr. Odden began tentatively. “Just as I told you and Jim both the other day in the conference about Sam … there were a few minutes in the ER where Sam wasn’t getting oxygenated blood to his brain when there was the interruption of blood within the aorta and his heart went into arrest. As you well know from previous experience with your brother … when there is an event of oxygen deprivation to the brain there is always the chance of brain damage or long lasting effects.”

“You’ll be able to give him some kind of rehab program, right? I mean, if there is more deficits … I want Sammy to have everything he needs.”

“After he regains consciousness I’ll be able to ascertain if he’ll need additional rehab or stay with his current program here at the center. He’s a trooper Dean. I had my doubts in the ER. He was in pretty bad shape.”

“Yeah, I know…” Dean’s eyes were on Sam. “I meant to thank you for what you did in the ER. Sam’s heart doc said if you hadn’t stopped the bleeding he wouldn’t have made it to the OR.”

“No need to thank me Dean. To tell you the truth it scared the crap out of me … I had to block it out that it was Sam and just do what needed to be done.” Dean nodded.

“You never answered me about the coma,” Dean reiterated.

“Well, like I told you he’s making progress. Sam’s making small purposeful movements and he’s clutching your fingers now and again … he’s coming back slowly but you’re going to have to be patient. I know it’s tough but we’re all on Sam’s schedule not ours. He’s moving forward with small steps of improvement Dean, so hold onto that.”

Later that Evening, ICU

Dean dipped a cloth into warm water filling a plastic basin and gently wiped down his brothers chest being mindful of the fresh scar on his chest. The scar was still red in most places indicating its newness but there were a couple spots that were slightly pink indicating it was healing. Dean picked up Sam’s arm and with great care wiped his brother’s skin with the moist cloth. Dean had unbuttoned Sam’s gown sleeves and pulled the gown down to cleanse his brother’s body.

“You’re good at that,” Kim, Sam’s night nurse said quietly as she walked in to adjust Sam’s fluids and check his vitals. “I could have given him his sponge bath,” she replied kindly. Dean looked at her as he placed his brother’s arm back at his side.

“Nah, I don’t mind doing it. I feel useful … like I’m able to do something for him ya know?”

“I understand,” she replied. “So, who showed you how?” Dean chuckled quietly as a memory flooded his mind of his brother.

“I’ve bathed this kid more times than I can count growing up. Geez, his favorite thing was to get all soapy and then make a run for it … let me tell you trying to catch a four year old naked and covered in suds isn’t easy.” Kim laughed lightly.

“A real handful, huh?”

“You have no idea,” he joked.

“I can imagine. I have three boys at home all under the age of ten … my youngest is just about to turn three.” Dean nodded in acknowledgement that she did understand.

Two Weeks Later, ICU

Sam had begun moving his arms and legs a lot during the last week and the staff had to put gentle restraints on Sam’s arms to keep him from pulling at his IV’s and oxygen tubing. In his half conscious state that he entered into now and again he was combative and would try to pull his IV’s out or remove his nasal cannula. Dean noted that Sam moved his left leg a little but it was obvious even while still in is light coma he felt the discomfort of his broken femur. Sam was stirring and Dean placed a calming hand on his brother’s arm. “Shh, Sammy, stop pulling okay,” he urged. Sam’s breaths were labored and that concerned Dean, however, Dr. Odden had said his brother’s oxygen levels were satisfactory considering he was still recovering from a minor bought with pneumonia he’d contracted the previous week. Dean kept vigil. Julie called every day and talked to Dean or Jim. She had been in town just a week ago when she had taken the Minnesota BAR exam and was currently holding down the fort in Cambridge and was busy packing and preparing for the move to Blue Earth next month.

One Week Later, ICU

Sam had emerged from the coma to Dean’s delight but seeing Sam’s eyes open and making contact with his own was only half the battle. Dean hoped that his brother had suffered no lasting additional deficits due to the latest injury but part of him was whispering that it wasn’t meant to be as he waited to hear from Dr. Odden who was giving Sam a battery of neurological exams and other tests.

“Well?” Dean asked as he pushed himself up from his chair quickly when Dr. Odden came out of the neurology department scan viewing room. He offered Dean a soft smile.

“I just finished the consult with the Chief of Neuro and he looked at Sam’s news scans and he also ran some neuro test’s of his own on Sam, and…”

“Look, he opened his eyes and then I’m pushed out of there a few minutes after,” Dean’s tone was sharp and worried. “I just want to know how my brother is … is he talking, can he talk, what? He made eye contact with me, so that’s good, right?”

“Dean,” the doctor encouraged. “Take a breath, okay. I know you’re worried and that you’ve been on edge. The new MRI shows that the swelling is almost gone and that the drugs we’ve been using are doing what they’re supposed to. Sam’s neuro tests were actually pretty good considering I honestly thought we could be dealing with some profound issues after this latest incident. There are some problems but I think with additional rehab he should be able to overcome them.”

“Some problems? Like what?” Dean pushed.

“Well, Sam’s always had problems with his left side since the drowning but I’ve noticed some additional motor skill problems that will have to be addressed with therapy. His cognitive skills are about the same it appears we’ll no more as he returns to his other rehabs and schooling. We’ll have him tested and see if he needs to move back in his schooling. He’s confused and scared but I talked to him and calmed him down. He answered our questions as best he could and he is following commands, so all in all he’s doing great. It appears we dodged a bullet with the oxygen deprivation that occurred during his cardiac arrest in the ER. There could be some cognitive issues that may still creep up that we haven’t discovered yet but it’s likely if there are any that his teachers will find them out. You may have to work with him more with his flash cards and other items …”

“Yeah, anything he needs, but you’re saying he’s okay, though…” Dean hedged.

“Well, okay in the sense that he doesn’t appear to have any profound new deficits with this latest trauma. His leg is going to need rehab once he’s able to put weight on it. The rod and pin they used to put his femur break back together again will stay in to support the bone. The incisions have sealed themselves, so they’ll be removing the immobilizing apparatus they’ve been using while his leg was in traction. His Orthopedist has ordered a leg brace. They won’t put on a cast. Sam will be in a wheel chair for at least three weeks but his physical therapist and his Orthopedist who did the surgery on his leg may prescribe modified rehab crutches for him to get around but with his motor control problems it could prove difficult, we’ll play it by ear. The femur takes awhile to heal could be anywhere from three to six months, so it’s gonna feel like a long haul for you and Sam both.”

“The motor problems,” Dean pressed. “What are they?”

“Well, he’s having trouble controlling his movements. I tried to get him to put a small ball into a can for me and his hand was all over the place trying to get the ball into the can. He finally did it but it was an effort. His legs are less spastic but will still need work just like before after the drowning. We can rehab him for the spastic movements and he may be given a home rehab routine where he’ll need to be put through his paces.”

“Sure, anything I have to do I will,” Dean hurried on. Kirk Odden smiled.

“I have no doubt that you will but don’t forget you’ve got Jim, too,” he encouraged. His face sobered for a moment. “How are you doing anyway?” the doctor asked gently.

“I’m okay,” Dean’s answer was blunt and the doctor knew the young man wasn’t okay but he would deal with the loss of his father when he had a chance to take a breath. He nodded at Dean and pressed no further. “I want to see Sam.”

“Sure thing, he should be back in his room now after the MRI and other tests. He was given some morphine for the pain in moving him around so he may be asleep or groggy.”

“I just want to see him,” Dean couldn’t contain the smile that was creeping up on his face over the fact that Sam was out of the coma. “Hey doc?”

“Yes?”

“So, Sammy’s out of the woods…” Dean left the question hanging. Dr. Odden smiled.

“I think barring any complications that it’s safe to say Sam has turned the corner we’ve all been waiting for … I’m not prepared to remove him from the critical list just yet, maybe another day or two and then he’ll be upgraded to serious and maybe he can even be moved out of the ICU to our Stepdown unit, but yeah, he’s turned a corner, I think you can breathe now Dean … you and Jim both.”

“Thanks,” Dean’s face broke into a huge smile and for the first time in a long time the smile reached his eyes. He headed toward his little brothers ICU room with a lighter heart.

One Hour Later, ICU

Sam stirred in his bed. The pain killer he’d been given was keeping him groggy and he scrunched his face in waking trying to shake the effects. He opened his eyes and saw his older brother. “D…” his voice caught in his throat and Dean quickly grabbed a cup of ice chips and spooned a small amount into his little brother’s mouth.

“Easy Sammy just a little bit, okay?” his voice was soft and comforting. He was silently happy that his little brother was trying to speak. He had been so worried that he might never hear his brother’s voice again.

“Ddd…Dean? I want ttt…to go home,” Sam lamented. “Leg hurt,” he complained. Dean frowned. The morphine should still be taking the edge off.

“How bad Sammy?”

“Just hurt,” Sam replied. Dean sighed. He was suddenly reminded of what his father and Jim dealt with on a full time basis. Sam had a vocabulary but it was limited in a lot of ways.

“Sammy does it ache or hurt?” Dean tried to think of a way to communicate with his brother. “You know Sammy when you closed your finger in Uncle Jim’s screen door and it hurt really bad and bled?” Sam nodded. “You remember when you fell and hurt your knee at my school that one time and it sort of hurt the next morning when you tried to move it at first?” Sam nodded. “Well, your finger was pain so it hurt but your knee was an ache. So, does your leg hurt or ache?” Sam looked at his brother with pensive eyes for a moment.

“Ache,” he answered quietly. Dean relaxed.

“Okay, kiddo. I’ll see if the nurse can give you some Tylenol or something but we won’t get any pain meds right now.”

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Where Daddy?” Dean felt his breath catch. He wasn’t ready to do this and he wasn’t too sure Sam would really understand. Also, the fact Sam had just called their father ‘Daddy’ for the first time in a long while indicated that he was either very distressed and just wanted parental comfort or this was a small setback cognitively.

“Sammy, why don’t you take a nap now,” Dean suggested when he saw his brother struggle to keep his eyes open. “I’ll be here, okay?”

“Dean what happened? I remember ‘seven ate nine’ and Daddy laughing. Why I here? Want to go home?” Dean felt hot tears threaten to rise up and a soft voice saved him.

“Hi Sammy,” Jim chimed from the door. “Well, look at you kiddo. You being a good boy for the nurses and doctors?” Jim walked in and put a consoling and comforting hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezed. Dean knew Jim had been there long enough to hear Sam’s questions. Sam smiled at the man he knew as his Uncle. “Sammy?” Jim asked.

“Huh?”

“What is seven, eight, nine?” Sam tried to laugh but winced from the pain of his still healing sternum and bruised ribs.

“I tell daddy a jjj…joke,” Sam replied. “Why six afraid of seven?” Jim smiled softly.

“I don’t know Sammy,” he commented. “Why is six afraid of seven?”

“Ccc…cause seven ate nine.” Jim chuckled despite the sad realization that the last moment Sam and John had shared was a moment of laughter and the sharing of a children’s joke Sam had probably learned at school. He was happy that John’s final moments in this life before the crash were happy and filled with laughter. It was comforting and saddening at the same time. Dean stood up abruptly.

“Sammy, I’ll be back in a minute okay,” Dean hurried out of the room before he couldn’t hide his emotions from his impressionistic little brother. Jim smiled sympathetically at the quickly retreating figure. Jim waited a few minutes and watched Sam as he succumbed to fatigue and the remnants of the pain killers in his blood stream. When he was certain that he was asleep he got up and went to look for Dean. He didn’t have to look far and wasn’t surprised that even distressed Dean wouldn’t stray far from his younger sibling. Jim found Dean just outside the ICU unit standing by a window looking down on the parking lot below. He stepped up beside Dean quietly.

“You doing okay?” His voice was soft. Dean looked over at Jim and then his eyes glanced back toward the ICU unit doors. “He’s asleep.” Dean nodded and returned his eyes to looking out the window. “Dean?” Jim prompted. “You need to talk about it,” he pushed gently. “It’s eating you up and you can’t hide it from me. Please, let me help you,” Jim looked warmly at Dean as the young man lifted his eyes and met Jim’s.

“He could have died Jim,” Dean answered softly. “It was too close.”

“He’s awake now and Kirk said he’s turned a corner.”

“I know, but…”

“But, you almost lost him like you did your dad,” Jim replied softly.

“He asked about him,” Dean began.

“I heard when I was walking in,” Jim countered.

“I can’t do it Jim … I can’t tell him about Dad. I don’t even know how to do it in a way that he’ll understand. Does he even really understand what dead really means?” Jim looked on Dean with soft eyes.

“I could talk to him,” Jim offered.

“It should come from me,” Dean countered.

“Dean you can’t be all things for your brother. I know you want to be and think you have to be but you can’t. You want to be in there when he finds out? I think I can approach it in a way he might understand. You’re right he doesn’t really understand the concept. I think he gets that it means the person is gone and doesn’t come back but I still think he doesn’t quite get the finality of it.”

“If we can put him off until after he’s out of ICU I think that’d be better,” Dean’s voice shook.

“I agree.” Jim surveyed Dean’s face. “Dean, how are you really? Please, talk to me. We’ve hardly discussed anything since…”

“Jim everything has been about Sammy and making sure he’s doing okay. I can’t do anything for Dad. When he was still hooked up to all that crap keeping him alive I kept thinking he’s takin’ such hard beatings in life that he’d be okay … I really thought the doctors were wrong … I just…”

“Never thought anything could kill your dad,” Jim spoke softly and with wisdom. Dean’s eyes misted and he nodded.

“Signing those papers Jim,” Dean’s voice caught in his throat. “Aside from watching Sammy struggle to live to come back from his injuries … signing the papers to turn the machines off was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.”

“I know,” Jim replied. “You did the right thing Dean and never think for one minute you didn’t.” Jim assured.

“I know I did, but letting go it’s so hard…”

“Hey, no one ever said you had to let go of your father Dean. You have twenty-two years of memories and you miss him … always will. Your Dad is with you always, and Sammy, too. He’s alive in both of you.”

“In his room,” Dean began suddenly. “When I was talking to him after I signed the papers before they shut things off…”

“Yes?”

“It’s gonna sound crazy but it’s like I felt him there ya know like maybe he was saying goodbye or something.” Jim smiled.

“Crazy? Dean after the life you used to live when hunting … it’s not crazy. I wouldn’t expect anything less from John than to hang around until you let his body go. He was there for you boys. It’s not crazy at all,” Jim assured. Dean allowed a small smile to slip across his mouth.

“Listening to Sammy talk about that joke,” Dean lamented. “It hurt to listen to.”

“I understand, but take comfort in the fact that your Dad and Sam’s last moments together were happy that means everything.” Dean nodded. “You know, your Dad was so proud of your graduation. He still talked about it and he was excited for your new job. Dean, your father may not be in the church the day you marry but know that he was looking forward to you and Julie saying your vows and you making him a grandpa,” Jim chuckled quietly. “Well, not for a couple or so more years he used to say. But, he was so proud Dean always know that,” Jim dropped a comforting hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“Thanks for that Jim.”

“No thanks needed,” he replied. “So, we never really hashed out things on how you felt about your daddy’s will and Sammy’s guardianship. You okay with things? His wishes?”

“I won’t lie I was pissed for a few minutes,” Dean relented. “Sammy’s always been mine ya know … mine to look after, to keep safe, but then I went away to school and he started depending on Dad and you, it wasn’t easy. And, then Dad’s will…”

“I know.”

“I get why he wants me to wait until I’m twenty-five to take on Sammy’s guardianship. It gives me time to get settled in life and stuff, but…”

“Dean I will never make any big decisions for Sam’s health or well-being without talking to you,” Jim replied. “The everyday routine I may not consult you with but anything major we’ll always talk, I promise. I take the responsibility of Sammy’s guardianship with the utmost care.” Dean nodded in appreciation.

“The trust fund for Sammy…”

“Yeah, it’s a nice chunk of cash. I remember when your dad took out the policy he paid a little more in premiums with the accidental double payment. He didn’t want to worry about you boys being comfortable. I know he never thought the policy would come into use so soon. I think he figured you’d already be okay with money but taking on Sammy in a few more years could be costly especially for some of the extra therapies your Dad’s been taking him to that the state and city don’t pay for. Sam’s also been in some extra curricular activities with his after school program.”

“Yeah, Dad told me about the T-ball and the book club.” Jim smiled.

“So we’re okay?”

“Yeah, Jim. I know you love Sammy too and you’d protect him with your life.”

“Damn straight,” Jim answered with a glint. Dean quirked an eyebrow at the religious man’s use of the word ‘damn’. Jim chuckled. “What?” he replied innocently.

“Nothin’” Dean smirked.

One Week Later, the Stepdown Unit

Jim and Dean sat in Sam’s room and both prepared to tell him about John. He had been asking for his father everyday and everyday Dean or Jim had been putting him off until he was safely in the Stepdown unit and upgraded to serious condition.

“Ddd…Dean,” Sam’s voice was soft as he tried to eat some applesauce with a great deal of effort. Dean stood up to help his brother. “Nnn…no, I do myself,” Sam asserted as his hand control struggled with the spoon and the eye hand coordination needed to make it to his mouth.

“Sammy let me help,” Dean spoke gently. “Just for now kiddo. You’ll get better and when you do this won’t be any trouble but right now…”

“No, I want do myself.” Dean sighed and sat down. Sam looked at his brother and Uncle. “Where Ddd…dad?” Sam had fallen back into using ‘Dad’ a few days ago and part of Dean was happy but then there was the empty pit. Now, was the moment of truth and Dean felt sick to his stomach. Jim leaned forward and Dean looked to him for help.

“Sammy?” Jim began gently. “I wanted to talk to you about your Dad.”

“Where he at?” Sam asked. “He get h…hurted like me?” Sam frowned. “Hhh…hurt,” he corrected himself.

“Yes, Sammy he did,” Jim replied. Sam’s eyes were wide and worried.

“Where Daddy,” Sam’s voice panicked and his eyes misted. It was as if he were already figuring out that his father would have been there by his side if he could and he wasn’t. Dean cringed at the desperation in his brother’s voice and he had used ‘Daddy.’

“Sammy, your dad loves you so much,” Jim spoke evenly. “And, he’ll love you always no matter where he is, you understand?” Sam nodded. He knew his father loved him. He said it everyday to him and at night when he tucked him in at Uncle Jim’s.

“I know,” Sam answered. “He say all the time.” Jim smiled. “Where he at? Want to see him.”

“Sammy, your Dad was hurt and the doctors couldn’t fix him,” Jim began tentatively. Sam looked at Jim and then his brother and back to Jim.

“Like Humpty Dumpty?” he questioned with innocent eyes. Jim knew he was only partially understanding the ramifications of what he was trying to tell him. He looked at Sam and saw an eighteen year-old young man but the mind was much younger.

“Yes, Sammy, like Humpty,” Jim pushed forward with his speech. Dean sat closer to his brother. His chest aching at what was coming. “Sammy, your Dad was hurt so bad that God decided to come and take him home,” Jim spoke softly. Sam tilted his head slightly as he soaked in what his Uncle was saying.

“Home? Daddy’s at home with Duncan and God took him there?”

“No, Sammy, God took him home to his home in the sky … God took your Dad to heaven. He’s with your Mom now.” Sam’s brow creased.

“But, heaven far away, Daddy said so. I never see Mommy so I never see Daddy,” Sam’s face became anguished. “No!” he shouted. “You tell Daddy he not aloud to stay. Heaven too far away. I want him here. You go tell God to bring Daddy back.” Jim felt his resolve begin to shatter at Sam’s words and expression.

“Sammy, I wish I could son, but I can’t. Your Daddy loved you so much and he always will but he had to go to heaven to be with your Mommy,” he simplified his speech and spoke in the mommy and daddy frame that Sam obviously needed.

“No,” Sam’s defiance evaporated as the tears came. His voice bubbled through the tears that were beginning. “Want Daddy. Ppp…please, I be a good boy want my daddy.” Dean’s heart shattered and he stood up and slid in carefully next to his younger brother mindful of his still healing body he put and arm gently around his brother. Sam’s tears were harsh and his breath was almost gasping. His sternum ignited into a fire hot pain and he gasped. Dean stood up abruptly.

“Sammy!” his voice was thick with concern. Sam’s tears continued and so did the pain. “No, Sammy, you have to calm down, okay. You’ll hurt yourself.” Dean turned panicked eyes to Jim.

“It’s gonna be okay Sammy,” Jim tried to calm the situation. “You’ve got me and Dean.”

“I want see Daddy,” he gasped and cried at the same time.

“When you’re better Sammy we’ll take you to talk to him, okay?” Jim offered. Dean shot a glare at him.

“Rrr…really? I see him?”

“No Sammy, but you can talk to him. When your Daddy went to heaven his body stayed here and went to sleep in the ground … he has a pretty place under a big tree. You won’t see your Daddy but you can talk to him there,” Jim assured. Sam calmed a bit and Dean relaxed a fraction. Sam tried to move and gasped in pain as his sternum protested the movement and when he jerked from the sudden discomfort he cried out from the pain in his leg. “Dean, stay with him,” Jim stood up. “I’m gonna get his doctor. He needs some pain meds.” Dean nodded tightly.

Four Months Later, Rehab

Sam struggled with the range of motion exercises the physical therapist had him doing. His leg was healing but it still ached and some exercises caused pain. He was able to bear weight but with the aid of a strong metal brace that gave added support. Sam had been going through additional motor control therapies for his hands and arms and they had improved a great deal. He was back to his ability level motor wise in his hands and fingers that he had before the car accident.

“Okay, Sam,” Ryan his therapist said with a smile. “That’s it for today kiddo. I think you’re Uncle Jim will probably be waiting for you in the lobby by now.

“Yeah,” Sam replied. “But, Fff…Friday my bbb…big brother will get me,” Sam beamed with pride.

“Oh, yeah, your Uncle mentioned that … he’s getting married this weekend, right? You’re going to be the best man.” Sam smiled.

“Ddd…Dean say it important jjj…job.” Ryan smiled at the young man.

“It is Sam and you’ll be great at it … just remember you still have to wear your leg brace.”

“I know,” Sam complained. “Ddd…Dean already said I wear over my ttt…tux.”

“You know what a tux is Sam?” Ryan questioned. Sam nodded.

“Dean ttt…tell me.” Ryan nodded and looked at his watch.

“Well, Sam you better get going your Uncle will be waiting.

Dean had reluctantly started at BioTech on schedule, but only because Sam had been released from the hospital and was on his strict rehab schedule. He had returned to school, but only for a half day program until he was more fully mended and he wasn’t aloud to do any physical hard play as his body was still healing from the accident. Sam had already had Jim and Dean take him to the cemetery to see his father’s grave. He didn’t understand the concept of a grave, but he did understand that some piece of his father existed in this place and he liked the quiet of the place and had even named the big Oak tree shading his father’s grave, Ben. When Dean and Jim had asked him why he picked Ben he had just smiled and looked at the tree saying he looks like a Ben.

Dean and Julie had rented a three bedroom house in Blue Earth and Dean drove the thirty mile commute to Mankato for BioTech everyday except for when he flew out of Blue Earth for meetings in Minneapolis with the main branch of BioTech. Julie had passed her BAR and accepted a position at a local law firm that handled corporate and international litigation. The wedding was scaled down after the car accident but there would still be a big turn out. Julie would only have one attendant, a friend she’d known since high school and Dean would have Sam stand at his side. Julie’s parents, family and friends were either driving or flying in to Blue Earth for the wedding. Dean was looking forward to seeing his friends once again. He’d lost touch over the years and only spoke to Tyler once or twice a year.

Wedding Day, October 2001, St. Mary’s Church, Blue Earth

Dean struggled with his tie as he felt his sweaty hands. He looked in the mirror behind himself at his little brother who was trying with all he was worth to button his tux shirt. Dean smiled warmly. “Lots of button, huh?” His voice was light.

“Ttt…too many,” Sam complained.

“Here,” Dean stepped over. “I can help Sammy.” Sam allowed him.

“Thh…thank you,” Sam replied.

“No problem kiddo. After all, my best man has to be looking his best today.”

“I not even care I miss cartoons for today,” Sam smiled and displayed his dimples. Dean chuckled. He had forgotten that it was a Saturday and indeed his brother was usually watching a couple hours or so.

“Yeah, thanks Sammy,” Dean chimed. “Anyway, you don’t need to be watching those freaky Teletubbies, anymore … somethin’ ain’t right with them,” Dean complained. He hated them as much as the purple dinosaur, but at least he didn’t think Barney was in need of an exorcism.

“I like,” Sam complained.

“Watch some golden oldies Sammy,” Dean offered. “You know … Thunder Cat’s or something … you used to like the Speed Racer reruns.”

“I do like Speed Racer, he cool,” Sam replied with a smile. There was a knock on the door that brought their attention from their conversation. Jim poked his head in and then stepped in.

“How are you boys coming along?”

“Good,” Dean answered. “Just got Sammy all buttoned up. This freakin’ tie is driving me nuts,” he complained. “Look at you,” Dean inclined his head toward Jim’s formal robes for the wedding service. Dean felt lucky that Jim was the one marrying him and Julie. It felt right. “Should I be callin’ you Padre or something?” Jim laughed.

“No, just Uncle Jim to you,” he replied. “May I?” he motioned to the tie. Dean dropped his hands from messing with the tie further.

“Yeah, go ahead.” As Jim fixed the tie it was evident to both men that they knew if John were here he’d be at his son’s side for his wedding day and that he’d be the one fixing his tie, but he wasn’t here … Jim was and Dean was silently thankful he had the man in his life … in Sam’s life. “Thanks,” his reply soft but full of emotion. Jim looked warmly at Dean and smiled.

“My pleasure,” he replied. “So, how’re holding up? You’re about to become a married man,” he jested. Dean laughed.

“Yep, I guess I’ll have to throw out that little black book, eh?” He mused. Jim laughed.

“What bbb…black book,” Sam added his voice to the moment and both men laughed.

“Nothin’ Sammy,” Dean replied with a glint in his eyes. The church bells started ringing and there was light knock at the door. Jim went to answer it and it was a church usher there was a quiet conversation between them and Jim closed the door and turned to the boys.

“Well, it’s time,” Jim said lightly. “Let me look at you boys.” He looked both boys over from head to toe and smiled. “Okay, you both look ready. Sam you have the ring?” Sam reached in his jacket pocket.

“I ppp…promise Dean I be real careful … see all safe,” he displayed the ring proudly.

“Good job Sammy, now keep it safe until I ask for it, okay? Remember the rehearsal last night?” Sam nodded. “Good boy.”

“See you out front Jim,” Dean spoke softly.

“Okay, someone will knock on the door again in about five minutes and then head out to the main sanctuary and to the altar. I’ll see you there.” Dean nodded with a smile.

Three Days Later, Jim’s House

“Uncle Jim?” Sam sat at the kitchen table as his Uncle busied himself in the kitchen making dinner.

“Yeah?”

“What you say a hhh…honeymoon is again?” Sam was still perplexed by this concept. Jim chuckled.

“Well, Sammy it’s like a vacation, you understand vacation…” Sam shook his head that he did. “Dean and Julie just got married and a lot of married couples take a little vacation right after the wedding because they want to spend time together and relax after all of the wedding planning.”

“So, they go to away to have fff…fun?” Sam asked.

“Yes, Sammy. Dean and Julie flew to San Francisco in California for a few days, but they’ll be back on Friday. Do you know where California is?” Jim asked always looking for a learning opportunity for the young man.

“They show us map at school … I know where,” he answered proudly. “Ddd…Dean and Julie fly in sky to get there.”

“That’s right Sammy they did,” Jim agreed with a warm smile. “Now, tomorrow Sammy you have a half day at school remember?”

“I remember,” Sam answered. “I go to rrr…rehab in morning.”

“Yep,” Jim answered lightly. “We’re going to get that leg of yours all better again very soon and Dr. Peters will take that brace off.”

“Uncle Jim?”

“Yes?”

“Why I not see Dr. Od… for leg” Sam always shortened Dr. Odden’s name because he simply couldn’t manage it.

“Well, Sammy, Dr. Odden isn’t a bone doctor but Dr. Peters is, so that’s why he takes care of your leg.”

“Cause I broke bone in Dad’s truck?”

“Yes, Sammy.”

“I want to visit Daddy’s place again,” Sam often shifted back and forth with using ‘dad’ or ‘daddy’. Jim looked at Sam for a moment.

“Okay, Sammy, we’ll go tomorrow when I pick you up from school … how does that sound?”

“Okay, I want to take Daddy a present,” Sam replied quietly. Jim didn’t miss the perfect sentence and smiled at Sam.

“Well, Sammy, you’re present enough when you visit your Dad.”

“Want take flowers, not fake ones” Sam responded. Jim had to suppress a smile and chuckle. He remembered the day Sam discovered fake flowers for sale in the local drugstore. He’d hated them and when he had last visited the cemetery he had noticed that some graves were adorned with fake flowers and frowned. He had said no fake for Daddy ever…

“It’s October Sammy real flowers won’t survive, but how about I figure something out okay?”

“Okay,” Sam answered softly. He looked at Jim and creased his forehead, “no fake,” he reminded the man. Jim smiled.

“I promise Sammy no fake, I’ll remember,” Jim replied. Sam nodded.

Four Months Later, January 24, 2002, Jim’s House

“Happy Birthday Dean,” Jim replied as he sat the cake down at the dining room table. Julie and Sam sat watching. “Twenty-three.”

“Yeah, a regular senior citizen, huh?” Jim chuckled. Dean was glad his birthday fell on a Saturday this year because that meant he could spend it with his family. He enjoyed his work at BioTech and Julie loved the local law firm she was working for. Sam was out of his leg brace and was back at school. He would be transferring to Drake in the fall after his nineteenth birthday. He had made some more advances with his studies but his delays were still very evident. Dean and Julie had rented a three bedroom house in town near her law firm and Dean commuted to Mankato for work. They had turned one room into a guest room which Sam stayed in for his overnight visits on occasions. Dean knew that Sam loved sleepovers at his big brother’s house. The weekends were usually Dean and Julie’s turn to take Sam and give Jim a break. Although, Sam wasn’t a burden to any of his family and Dean was glad to help Jim out.

“Hhh…happy Bbb…birthday Dean,” Sam offered up a dimpled smile and pushed what looked like a jumbled handful of the newspaper comics at him. Dean quickly noticed the makeshift red yarn wrapped around it. “I tie bow by self,” Sam said proudly. “I wrap too.” Dean looked at Jim with a perplexed face.

“Don’t look at me,” Jim replied. “This is all Sam. I didn’t even know he had anything for you.” Dean pulled on the sloppy yarn bow and opened the package. He smiled as he opened the tiny bulky package. He pulled out a slightly lopsided mug with a handle.

“We make in art class. Teacher cook it in weird oven and say it a real mug. For cc…coffee,” Sam suggested proudly. The mug was yellow and blue with a shiny ceramic glaze coating it making it safe for use. There were bright red letters painted and glazed. “Teacher help with letters. I tell her what to say.” Dean turned the mug around to look at the wording on the side of the mug and felt his throat clench with emotion: Best Big Brother. “You like?”

“I love it Sammy,” Dean reached up and ruffled his little brother’s hair. “I’ll keep it at work and use it for coffee there.”

“Really?” Sam felt pride in his work.

“Really,” Dean affirmed.

Five Months Later, May 2, 2002, Jim’s House

“Jules and I could have had the party at our place Jim,” Dean offered.

“Nah, Dean,” Jim answered easily. “The kids love having all this room to run wild and the parents seem to enjoy it too. It’s hard to believe he’s nineteen, huh?”

“Yeah,” Dean agreed. “I went on that tour of Drake for family open house last weekend,” Dean commented. “It’s a good school. I think Sammy will really like it this coming fall.”

“Yeah, I’ve been on a couple tours already,” Jim responded. “I’m glad you were able to go last weekend.”

“Yeah, well since Sammy was on that class weekend field trip to the nature preserve I thought it’d be something Jules and I could take a look at since we didn’t have Sammy that weekend.” Dean looked at the man he considered his family. “Uncle Jim?”

“Yeah,” he answered absently as he gathered up a tray of pigs in blankets for Sam and his birthday party attendees. He had a bit more sophisticated snacks for the parents.

“Thanks,” Dean replied softly. “For everything,” he added. Jim turned and looked at the young man he’d known since he was five and smiled warmly.

“You boys are my family,” he answered bluntly. “I love both of you.”

“Love you, too,” Dean answered quietly.

“You know,” Jim began. “You’re Dad would be so proud of the man you’ve grown into over the last few months. He was always proud but he’d be filled up seeing you now.”

“You think?”

“I do.”

“I still can’t believe it’ll be a year already next month that Dad’s been gone,” Dean’s face was solemn.

“I know,” Jim agreed.

“Sammy’s done pretty good with it,” Dean commented. “He really likes to visit the cemetery a lot…”

“Does that bother you?”

“No, for him he really is spending time with Dad and it makes him happy. I know he must ask you to go a lot. I know sometimes when he stays over on weekends he likes to stop by.”

“He needs the contact of sorts Dean,” Jim offered. “Sam still needs his father in a way and for some reason or another … the cemetery is giving that to him. He still misses John at night the most,” Jim started. “John would read to him or they’d read together. I do it with him but even he knows it’s not the same. I’m a substitute and he knows it … for all the ways your brother may be considered delayed he’s a lot sharper than we give him credit for,” Jim relented. “He was always a smart boy.”

“Yeah,” Dean agreed.

“Dean! Uncle Jim!” Sam’s excited yells bellowed in from outside. Dean and Jim both leaned over the kitchen sink to look out the window and could see Sam waving the present he’d just opened from his brother and Julie. Dean saw Sam hug Julie quickly and started showing his friends his brand new video game that looked like a space adventure game but was a creatively masked learning game to advance Sam’s motor and cognitive skills.

Jim and Dean soon joined the party and they sat with the other adults while their children enjoyed the festivities.

One Year Later, August 21, 2003, Blue Earth Hospital

“I Uncle now,” Sam spoke quickly. “I get to see new baby today.”

“Yes, I hear she’s a little beauty,” Jim responded. Julie and Dean had welcomed their first child Caitlin Mary Winchester into the world late last night after midnight and had called this morning after Julie had had a chance to rest. Dean was excited. Jim remembered back over the last few months of Julie’s pregnancy Sam had been so excited and had asked questions a young child would, where do babies comes from … how’d the baby get in Julie’s belly …Sam’s innocence was such a stark contradiction to his 6’4”, twenty year old frame. Sam’s latest tests had shown he was sitting around a fourteen or fifteen year old cognitively and emotionally with delays and he continued his special schooling. Sam had also spent a lot of Julie’s pregnancy talking to her stomach and telling the baby stories or anything that popped into his head. He had said from the beginning that it was a girl even when Julie and Dean both thought it was going to be a boy but Sam had insisted … no, in belly … girl not boy. “Now, Sammy,” Jim reached out a stopped the young man before they walked into the Labor and Delivery section of the hospital. Dean and Julie had a birthing suite all to themselves but the floor was shared by new parents and mother’s busy in labor. “Sammy, we have to be quiet in the hallway, okay,” Jim urged.

“Inside voice,” Sam replied with a lowered tone. Jim chuckled despite himself.

“Yes, Sammy inside voice, good boy.” Sam beamed. “Well, let’s go meet Caitlin,” he urged.

One Hour Later

Dean, Julie and Jim watched Sam sitting in the rocking chair holding his niece. She had taken to him like a fish to water. Dean had shown Sam how to hold her and to be careful of her head and neck and his little brother had eagerly listened to every word his big brother said and couldn’t wait to hold her. They watched Sam and Caitlin. She cooed and bubbled at him with wide eyes. He held her gently and seemed to marvel at her tiny features and little hands that bobbed around near his chin. Sam slid one finger into one of Caitlin’s hands and she grabbed and squeezed. Sam smiled. “You pretty little girl,” he said softly. “I your Uncle Sammy,” he said with pride. “Love you whole bunch,” he whispered. She cooed and drooled. It wasn’t long before she nestled against her Uncle’s chest and fell asleep. Sam rocked her slowly in the chair completely focused on her. Dean, Julie and Jim all shared a look of amazement at the sight. Dean looked around the room and in that very moment everything he loved and held precious in his life was in that room, his family.

Six Months Later, January 24, 2004, Kellerman Law Offices, Blue Earth

“It’s pretty simple Dean,” Robert Kellerman spoke evenly as he placed a set of papers in front of Dean and Jim both. This just means that in accordance with your father’s will that your dependant brother Samuel Winchester’s guardianship be transferred to you upon your twenty-fifth birthday. And, since Jim isn’t contesting the switch there is no need for court arbitration. You’ve both agreed that Sam’s living arrangements will stay as they are and he will continue to dwell at Jim’s residence located at 114 Route 12.”

“I understand,” Dean answered and Jim nodded. They both signed the transfer papers.

“Now, how you precede with decision’s for Sam are up to the two of you my part of transferring and seeing that John’s wishes are being fulfilled is complete. He wanted both of you to be decision makers for Sam and he wanted Sam to remain living at the home situation he is most used to.”

“Thank you for handling all of this Robert,” Jim spoke warmly to his friend and lawyer.

“You’re welcome.”

Two Months Later, Jim’s House

There was a loud crash and the sound of shattering glass that brought Jim running from the kitchen down the hallway toward his study and library where the noise came from. Sam was home for the week because his school was on spring break and today was day one of his break. The first thing he saw was a step stool lying on its side in front of one of his large bookshelves near a window … the window was broken out and the hole was large. He felt the bile rise in his throat as he saw the blood streaks on the glass. “Sam!” the scream tore from his throat as he dashed toward the window. It was an old house and even the first floor was elevated in comparison with the outside. It was a good six to seven foot drop from a window on the first floor to the ground. He saw Sam below in the grass and dirt. It was obvious he had clipped some of the shrubbery on his way down and landed in the grass. He wasn’t moving and all Jim saw was copious amounts of blood oozing from everywhere and he turned and ran toward the porch to get outside.

Two Hours Later, Blue Earth Hospital Emergency Room

“Jim it could have been a lot worse,” Dr. Odden replied. He had been called down to the ER earlier when he’d been told one of his patients was just brought into the ER by ambulance.

“Worse? He was unconscious and a bloody mess,” Jim just wanted to see Sam.

“I know, but you and I both know that head wounds bleed and the glass did slice him up pretty good, but there isn’t any tendon damage and there wasn’t any artery involvement.”

“But, he’s being transfused,” Jim’s voice was thick with concern.

“We’re just topping off the tank so to speak,” Kirk Odden tried to allay his friend’s fears for his injured family member. “His blood count was just a little low,” he assured. “And, there’s no sign of concussion which I’m pretty happy about considering the loss of consciousness. He’s alert now and he’s gonna be fine. I’m keeping him for observation tonight but he should be able to go home in the morning. Um, I don’t feel comfortable putting him on the adult wing, so I’m having him put up in a private room on the Ped’s floor.”

“How many stitches?” Jim asked.

“Well, his forehead at his hair line under his bangs took twelve, his left arm took ten and his right shoulder required twenty-five. There were a couple spots I used a surgical no stitch glue that will dissolve as the small cuts heal. Its water proof, so no worries about washing it off. And, you know the routine he needs to keep his stitches dry and clean and then bring him in to have them removed in a few days … I’ll give you the paperwork.” Jim nodded. “Um, I know there was a transfer in guardianship,” Kirk hedged. “Do I need to talk to Dean?”

“No, Dean and I both share medical power of attorney for Sam. I do need to call him though and tell him about the accident. Can I see Sam?”

“Sure, he should be settled in his room. I’ll walk you up.”

Forty Minutes Later, Outside the Pediatric Unit

Jim pulled out his cell phone and called Julie first. She had been working from home on litigation papers and other projects for the law firm while she stayed home with Caitlin having decided to take an extended maternity leave. “Hello?” Julie answered and Jim could hear Caitlin babbling nearby and figured Julie probably had the pudgy six month old on her hip.

“Hi Julie,” Jim spoke with a light tone. “How’s the little one today?”

“Hi Jim,” Julie laughed quietly. “She’s great. What’s up?”

“Well,” he took a breath. “Sammy had a bit of a fall today.”

“Fall? You wouldn’t be calling if he weren’t hurt,” she shifted the baby on her hip and Caitlin became quiet almost as if she felt the sudden worry and tension in her mother. “How bad was Sam hurt?”

“They’re keeping him overnight,” he began.

“He’s been admitted to the hospital,” Julie rushed on. “What happened?”

“It appears that while I was in the kitchen that our Sammy took it upon himself to climb on a step stool in my study and lost his balance and fell through the window,” he pulled the cell phone away from his ear and could still hear Julie’s frantic voice barking over the phone. Caitlin had begun to get fussy and had started to cry.

“I wasn’t sure I should call Dean at work or not. He really is going to be fine Julie,” Jim assured.

Twenty-Minutes Later, BioTech, Mankato, thirty miles away

“Hello, Dean Winchester,” he said into the phone he’d just picked up. “Oh, hey honey, how are my girl’s doing?”

“We’re fine.”

“You sure? I hear Cat crying?”

“It’s my fault I got a little worked up and you know how she picks up on things.”

“Upset? What’s wrong?” Dean tensed.

“Okay, first of all,” she started. “They said he’s going to be fine, okay?” Dean squeezed the phone until his knuckles were white.

“What happened?”

“Sam sort of fell through a window at the house,” she tried to say nonchalantly to allay her husbands harsh reaction. When it came to Sam or any of his loved ones being hurt or in danger Dean was a pit bull.

“Christ!” he hissed into the phone. “They said? They who?”

“He got some stitches and I guess a unit of blood … from what Jim told me. He’s been admitted to the hospital, but Jim said it’s just for observation and he’ll be released tomorrow,” she assured.

“I’m coming home,” Dean said as he was already putting things away at his desk and moving items into his briefcase.

“Dean, sweetie he’s okay,” she comforted.

“I’m coming home.” Julie knew that tone and when it came to Sam or Caitlin Dean was constantly in hyper protective mode.

“Okay, I’ll meet you at the hospital. Jim said they have Sam in the Pediatric unit, room 221.”

“221?” Dean clarified.

“Yeah.”

Later that Night, Sam’s Hospital Room

Dean sat at his brother’s side having sent his wife and daughter home. Jim had left a short while ago at Dean’s insistence. “Dean?” Sam’s groggy voice broke through the dimly lit room.

“Hey kiddo, how ya feelin’?” he asked.

“I have ouchies,” Sam frowned.

“Yeah, you sure do buddy,” Dean said with an exasperated voice. “You wanna tell me what you were thinkin’ when you climbed up on that stool? You know you’re not allowed,” he reprimanded.

“I know,” Sam replied dropping his eyes. “But …”

“But what Sammy?” Dean’s concern and frustration were getting the best of him and his voice was harsher than he had intended. Sam’s eyes misted. Dean reached out to soothe him. “Sorry Sammy, I didn’t mean to sound mad. Don’t be upset. I’m sorry.” He spoke gently. “But, what were you trying to do?”

“Want see Daddy?” Dean looked at his brother with confusion.

“What do you mean? Sammy Dad isn’t up there on the shelf.”

“Yeah, he is,” Sam countered. “Up top in frame … want to see …” Then it struck Dean it was a picture of all three of them taken at Dean’s graduation. Jim had had it enlarged and sat it up on top of his largest bookshelf along with some other mementos.

“Sammy, you should have asked Uncle Jim if you wanted to see the picture. You could have really hurt yourself worse than you already have,” Dean admonished gently. “You scared your big brother Sammy.”

“I sorry,” Sam spoke quietly. “Where Cat and Julie?”

“Julie took Caitlin home Sammy. It’s late and past her bedtime.” Dean knew Sam could say his niece’s full name, but he had given her the nickname Cat and there was something special about that to Dean.

“I okay Dean,” Sam replied. “You go home. I be okay alone. Uncle Jim bring me Bbb…Barney.” Dean noticed the purple dinosaur neatly tucked beneath his brother’s covers.

“No, Sammy, I’m staying with you tonight,” Dean answered without skipping a beat. “I don’t want you to be alone.”

“But I okay.”

“Yeah, I know, but I want to be here, okay? Now, close your eyes and go to sleep.” Sam smiled and did as he was told. There were moments where Sam did seem to act older and then there were moments when he was like a kid.

“Dean?” Sam’s voice was already drifting off.

“Yeah, Sammy?” Dean could see his little brother’s eyes were half mast already.

“Love you bunches,” Sam’s voice slurred toward the end and Dean watched him nestle into his pillow and he drifted off completely. Dean reached up and carefully pushed back his brother’s bangs avoiding the new stitches. He smiled warmly at his sibling.

“I love you too Sammy,” he whispered quietly to deaf ears.

Four Months Later, July 4, 2004, Jim’s House

“Where’s the baby?” Dean asked as his wife sat down in a lounge chair.

“Fast asleep in the parlor in her playpen,” Julie assured. “I’ve got the monitor, so I’ll hear her if she wakes up.”

“Man, I can’t believe she’ll be a year next month can you?” Julie shook her head.

“They grow like weeds Dean,” Jim replied casually.

“Where’s Sammy?” Dean asked as he looked around noticing his brother had disappeared.

“Right there,” Jim pointed as Sam and Duncan came from around the side of the house. Sam tossed a stick and Duncan ran after it.

“This has been a great Fourth of July,” Dean commented with a sigh. “No loud festival to deal with, although I think I’ll take Sammy up to Centennial Park tonight for fireworks, I think he’d like that.”

“I think he’d love it Dean. Me and Caitlin will just hang out with Jim until you bring Sammy back. I think the loud noises would probably scare her.”

“Yeah, you’re right about that, although she is a trooper,” Dean commented with a wry smile. Sam came over and sat down with the family. The all sat talking for twenty minutes or so when Sam clearly became distracted suddenly and stood up abruptly and headed for the house. “Sammy?” Dean called after him but Sam kept going. Dean cast a glance at his wife and Jim. “What do you think that’s all about?” Julie shrugged and Jim just watched Sam disappear into the house. A few long moments past in the quiet afternoon before it was shattered.

“No! No! Cat,” Sam’s terrified voice broke over the baby monitor that Julie had at her side. It made their blood run cold. Dean and Julie ran into the house with Jim on their heels. Jim saw Caitlin as Julie grabbed the baby from Sam as he was just picking her up out of the playpen. Jim was already running to the phone to call 911. He could see Caitlin’s face was ashen, her unblinking eyes glazed and staring and her lips were a deep blue. She was limp and lifeless in Julie’s arms.

“I’m calling an ambulance,” Jim shouted. Dean was taking his daughter from his wife’s arms and placed his child on the floor. He opened her mouth and looked and saw nothing. He attempted to give his child two puffs of air but her little chest didn’t move. He readjusted her head and tried again … covering her small mouth and nose with his own mouth.

“Come on baby, breathe!” he begged. His fingers were shaking when he reached up and felt for a brachial pulse in her arm and found a weak one thumping but his baby girl looked dead and was unresponsive. She was slipping away.

“Dean!” Julie shrieked. “Please, do something,” she kneeled at her child’s side. Dean cast desperate eyes to his wife for only a second and tried to administer two more puffs of air to his child and still her chest didn’t rise.

“The ambulance is on the way. I told them you were doing rescue breathing.”

“Catie, please baby, breathe,” Dean tried again. “I don’t see anything in her mouth. I can’t get the air in,” Dean was a desperate father in a panic and things he would have thought of in the past would have come to him, but all he knew was that his baby daughter wasn’t breathing, and was dying.

“What did you do?” Julie turned blazing eyes to Sam who stood staring in horror at the lifeless body of Caitlin.

“I…I…” Sam’s eyes were filled with unshed tears. “Nnn…nothing … I do nothing,” he lamented.

“Caitlin?” Dean begged. He felt for a pulse and his gut clenched at the weak beat against his finger tips. He knew her little heart would stop soon if he couldn’t get oxygen into her small body. He tried again and to no avail, her little chest didn’t rise. Sam bent down.

“No! You get away from her,” Julie shouted and tried to push Sam, but it was as if something took over Sam and he wouldn’t be ignored or brushed aside.

“I help,” he reached for his little niece.

“No, Sam!” Dean barked. Sam’s eyes suddenly blazed and he put his body weight into use and shoved his brother with force and grabbed his niece.

“Air not get in,” Sam put his tiny niece over the length of his arm and supported her against his knee. He pointed her face down and squarely thumped her back between her shoulder blades … once … twice … and then it fell out, a red button eye that everyone recognized as belonging to her favorite stuffed animal she always had to sleep with. Dean, Julie and Jim stood staring as Sam placed his niece back on the floor and covered her mouth and nose with is his own mouth and gave her two tiny puffs just like Dean had been doing and her small chest rose. He put his ear to her tiny chest and a small noise of relief left his throat. Against all odds her tiny heart was still beating. He began breathing for her once again and didn’t stop until the paramedics were running into the house and just before they pulled him away from Caitlin she tensed under his mouth and took a small tiny breath. Her eyes were still glazed and were now roaming and unfocused. Her breathing was weak but she was alive. There wasn’t any time to process what had just happened Dean and Julie both ran out of the house. Julie rode with their daughter and Jim was driving Dean to the hospital. In the rush Sam had been left behind at the house. He had watched them strap Caitlin onto a small back board and carry her out as they placed a small ambu bag over her mouth and nose and helped her get more oxygen.

Three Hours Later, the Pediatric ICU

“Well, she’s a fighter,” Dr. Karen Long spoke evenly. “Her respiratory effort is still diminished but improving every hour. I should be able to remove the breathing tube by tomorrow.”

“What about brain damage?” Julie’s voice shook. Dean had his arm around her and held her close. Jim stood behind them listening.

“I think she’ll be fine but we’ll no more when she’s more responsive. She was focusing on faces and tracking with her eyes in the ER and that’s a positive sign. She is mildly sedated right now, so that she does not fight the intubation. I’m pretty confident your little girl isn’t going to suffer any lasting effects from the choking. You did an excellent job of getting the button out and performing mouth to mouth … she’s alive because of your efforts and fast thinking. I’ll be in the PICU for a few hours and will check in on Caitlin again and in the mean time you can go see her.” The doctor left and it was then that suddenly two things settled over the group: One, Caitlin was alive because Sam saved her. Sam had cleared her throat and Sam made her breathe, Two, where was Sam?

“Oh my God,” Dean breathed. “Where is Sammy? Was he in the car coming here? I …I … where is he?” Jim’s eyes were wide at the sudden realization that they had forgotten Sam in the rush to the hospital. He had been left alone at the house.

“Oh Lord in heaven,” Jim blanched. He rushed from the PICU and tried calling the house on his cell phone. “Dammit,” he hissed under his breath. He walked back into the PICU and shook his head. “He isn’t picking up. I’m leaving now,” his voice urgent.

“Go, Jim, I …” Dean looked back at his daughter he could see lying in her small hospital bed with a breathing tube rising up out of her mouth.

“It’s okay Dean,” he assured. “I know you have to stay. I’ll get to Sammy.” Jim left quickly.

Dean walked into his child’s hospital room and stood next to his wife. He looked down at his little girl. Her chestnut colored hair was splayed out against the mattress of her tiny PICU bed. Her little arms were limp at her sides and her tiny chest rose and fell with assistance from the ventilator. Dean reached down and gently settled his hand on top of her small head. “Hey sweetie,” he cooed to his child. “Daddy and Mommy are here pumpkin.” Julie nestled close to her husband and reached down and under the thin sheet covering her daughter and held her daughter’s foot. Caitlin had small wires coming out from under her little gown attached to a heart monitor and there was a pulse ox clip attached to her left big toe. There was an IV giving her fluids that hung nearby.

“Dean, we almost lost her,” Julie choked silently.

“But we didn’t,” he countered. “She’s gonna be okay Jules. If it hadn’t been for Sammy…” Dean trailed off for a moment. “How could I forget to try and see if something were stuck down deeper … I could have killed her.”

“Dean, honey, you did everything you thought of at the moment. I froze,” Julie lamented. “She just looked lifeless and I froze.” Julie’s eyes were blood shot from crying and new tears swelled up. “What have I done?” she spoke in a quiet anguished tone. Dean looked at her and then it all came back to him what had been said around him while he tried to make Caitlin breathe.

“You honestly thought Sammy would ever hurt her?” Dean’s tone was hushed and clipped.

“No,” she spoke quickly. “I was just …”

“What Jules? You were what? I remember what you said now … you asked him what he did to her … you told him to get away … dammit,” Dean kept his tone quiet for his little girl’s sake. “He saved our daughter’s life … I don’t even know how he knew to do what he did, but he saved her and you blamed him ...” Dean’s eyes were angry and he turned back to his daughter.

“He’s not … I mean … I know he loves Caitlin, I do,” she spoke softly. “I just didn’t know … I mean he’s like a big child Dean and anything is …” Julie never got to finish as Dean turned blazing eyes toward his wife.

“A big child?” Dean repeated her words with venom. “Is that what you think of my brother. He survived a drowning Julie. He survived a car wreck that killed our dad probably should have killed him and he saves our daughters life when we couldn’t.”

“I’m sorry,” her voice was barely a whisper. She looked down at her child who was only alive because of Sam, her uncle had saved her. Dean didn’t look at her and kept his eyes on his child.

“I’m not the one you should be saying sorry to,” Dean shook his head. “I can’t believe we left him at the house alone. Why hasn’t Jim called yet?” Dean glanced at the clock on the wall above his child’s bed.

Meanwhile, Jim’s House

“Sammy!” Jim shouted through the house but everything was silent. He looked in the obvious spots inside and found no sign of the young man. Duncan was sitting in the parlor watching Jim’s frantic search. Jim went outside and found his steps going quickly toward the pond just to be sure Sam hadn’t ventured out there. He scanned the water with bile in his throat hoping he wouldn’t see a floating body. He didn’t notice any fresh footprints by the water edge either. Jim decided he needed to switch from uncle mode into hunter mode and he made the transition quickly. He saw some footprints on the trail and bent to look at them. They looked like Sam’s … the gait was uneven and the left had a very slight hesitation almost drag to it … definitely Sam and they were fresh. Jim followed the prints until they disappeared into the grass but he followed several imprints in the green grass and then looked up and saw the barn. He smiled to himself despite his worry. The barn was Sam’s spot when he was upset. The barn was a safe cocoon of sorts for him.

Jim entered the barn quietly and spotted a hunched figure on the far end near an open door sitting on a hay bale. “Sammy?” he spoke softly trying not to startle the young man. The sun had begun to drop and dusk was blooming behind Sam in the open door … pink and purple with shades of blue. Jim could see Sam had his arms wrapped around his knees that were drawn to his chest and he was rocking with his face buried against his arms. “Sammy?” Jim moved closer and Sam looked up. His face was tear streaked.

“Did I do bad?” Sam hiccupped in desperation when he saw Jim was alone … no Dean … no Julie … and most of all no Caitlin.

“No, no Sammy, hey kiddo, you saved Catie’s life,” Jim eased down beside Sam and wrapped a protective arm around him. “She’s alive because you saved her,” Jim repeated hoping the words sunk in.

“She okay?” Sam’s voice was hopeful. “She not go to heaven?”

“She’s going to be fine Sammy. She needs a little help right now but her doctor says she should be just fine.” Jim looked at Sam for a long moment. “Sammy, how’d you know to do that for Caitlin?”

“I remember nurse show Ddd…Dean and Julie when she just a bbb…baby before leave hospital and I see on TV, too and it like nurse did, so I do it. And, I see Ddd…Dean give her air, so I do it like I remember.” Jim thought back to when Caitlin had been born and suddenly remembered Sam was right. The hospital made sure all new parents were walked through infant and child CPR techniques and different techniques for choking. He was amazed Sam had remembered.

“You’re a smart young man Sammy,” Jim squeezed Sam. “How’d you know to go check on her?” Jim thought back to Sam’s peculiar behavior that afternoon and how he’d just stood up and went into the house with a purpose. Sam looked at Jim and shrugged.

“Jjj…just fff…feel something wrong … I go to Cat,” he spoke softly. Jim wasn’t going to question whatever angel had been watching over the family he was just glad that Sam had picked up on whatever it was otherwise today would have had a much more horrific ending and the thought of how it could have ended made Jim sick to his stomach.

“I’m proud of you Sammy and Dean is too,” Jim assured. Sam just looked at Jim and said nothing. He turned his eyes back out toward the field and watched the sun set.

Later the next morning, PICU

“The breathing tube is out and all the tests came back perfect. She’s a healthy soon to be one year old.” Dr. Long assured a worried looking Dean and Julie. “Her breathing is fine and she is alert and wanting her mom and dad I’m sure. You can go in and see her now. I’ll release her later this afternoon.”

“Thank you Dr. Long,” Julie spoke first.

“Yeah, thanks Doc,” Dean smiled. Dean and Julie walked into their little girl’s room. Caitlin stood up in her bed with the high child bars raised, so she couldn’t fall out. She saw her parents and was all smiles. She acted as if the whole nightmare of the last twenty-four hours hadn’t even occurred.

“Hey there sweetie,” Julie said in a sing-song voice as she lowered the bars to get to her child who was now free of wires, the breathing tube and the IV. Caitlin smiled.

“Bbb…Babu,” she bubbled excitedly and looked around. “Babu,” she repeated. Julie looked at Dean. It was the baby word Caitlin had given to her Uncle Sammy … she managed a few words … dada, mama … but one word no one in the family misunderstood once they knew what it implied was Babu they weren’t sure how it was she created that word but they all knew it meant her Uncle Sammy. She began to sing the word in her child like voice, Babu … Ba…Ba… Babu … Dean laughed.

“Well, I guess Sammy out ranks us, huh?” Dean and Julie were still a bit tense with one another after their previous night’s conversation but they were trying to iron things out. Jim had called finally last night and said Sam was fine but hadn’t gone into any details. “Maybe, I should call Jim and have him bring Sammy here,” Dean suggested.

“No,” Julie spoke and then quickly explained before her husband got the wrong idea. “Why don’t we have Jim bring Sam to our house and he can see Caitlin there. She’s just getting out of the hospital and I think she should be home.” Dean nodded.

“Babu…Babu,” Caitlin continued to bubble with a smile.

“Soon baby,” Julie assured. “We’ll get your Uncle Sam.”

Later that Day, Dean and Julie’s Home

“I put together some mini subs for a late lunch. Caitlin won’t sleep yet,” Julie commented. “I think she’s waiting for Sam.”

“Did she eat?”

“Yeah, I got some pureed bananas and some Gerber pasta circles into her. It’s amazing how quickly she bounced back.”

“Well, the doc did say kids can be pretty resilient sometimes,” Dean replied. “I think I just heard a car pull up.” He looked out the window and saw Jim and Sam getting out of Jim’s car. He went to open the door and Sam seemed to hang back and stayed behind Jim as if the man were a shield. “Hey Sammy,” Dean smiled. “What’s with the hiding? Come here and let your big brother give you a hug.” Dean enveloped his sibling in his arms and gave him a bear hug. “Thanks Sammy for what you did … I don’t know what I would have done if anything happened to Catie.”

“Babu!” Caitlin called out as Julie carried her into the room on her hip. Her little arms already reaching out toward her uncle. Sam smiled as his dark eyes met his niece’s green-hazel eyes like her father’s. She had her mother’s facial features but her hair matched her uncle’s hue perfectly and tended to curl at the ends like Sam’s. “Babu!”

Sam stepped forward tentatively and wouldn’t really meet Julie’s eyes. “Here Sam,” she said keeping her voice light. “Caitlin wants her uncle.” Sam reached for her and Caitlin grasped onto her uncle like a clinging vine.

“Babu …Ba …Ba …Babu,” she sang as she squeezed Sam’s nose with her tiny fingers and laughed. It was a wonderful noise that filled the room and Sam smiled.

“Kitty Cat,” Sam said smiling as he walked over to the couch with his niece in his arms. “You all better,” he cooed. “No eat buttons, no more,” he tried to make his voice stern but Caitlin just looked at him studying him for a long moment and placed both her hands on each side of Sam’s mouth and pushed making his lips pucker outward like a fish.

“Babu!” Sam laughed. Caitlin landed a sloppy toddler kiss on her uncle’s cheek and Sam made a face.

“Ooo, wet,” he complained and then smiled at her. He covered his face with one hand while he held her against him in the other. She reached up trying to pry the hand away to see her uncle’s face and he dropped it suddenly, “Boo!” he said with a dimpled grin. She squealed in delight at her uncle’s new game.

Everyone in the room just watched the two of them together. It really was like watching two peas in a pod. They seemed to understand one another on some unknown level and communicated in ways no one else in the room would ever understand.

Two Hours Later

“Where are you going?” Dean asked Julie as she got up from the table she shared with Jim and her husband.

“Just to check on them. They’ve been in her nursery for awhile.”

“They’re fine,” Dean held his wife’s eyes in his gaze.

“It’s quiet,” she commented with her eyes drifting down the hallway toward her daughter’s room.

“I’ll go then,” Dean let out a sigh. “Sam isn’t comfortable around you yet if you haven’t noticed.”

“Dean, I’m sorry,” Julie responded. “I’d talk to him, but he won’t even look at me.”

“Can you blame him? I’ll go. You stay with Jim.”

Dean went down the hallway quietly … stealth like … his days as a young hunter were long over, but some of the aspects of it came back to him sometimes. He peeked inside the nursery and pushed the slightly closed door open slowly and what he saw took his breath away. Sam was cradling Caitlin in his arms. She was gently swaddled in her favorite pink Winnie the Pooh blanket that Sam had picked out for her before she was even born. She was nestled into Sam’s chest with her face turned toward her uncle. Sam was gently rocking both of them in the gliding rocker chair in her room and if Dean wasn’t hearing things it sounded like Sam was humming to his niece, it was a pretty tune whatever it was. Dean back stepped silently and left without Sam ever seeing him.

“Well?” Julie looked up with anxious eyes and Dean had to push down the anger that look caused. Sam wasn’t to blame for anything that had happened.

“He’s rocking her and she’s sound to sleep in his arms. Let them be.” Dean’s tone came out sounding harsh and clipped. Julie stood up abruptly.

“I have some dishes to do,” and she left the room. Jim had seen her trembling bottom lip as she fought to keep her emotions in check until she was out of view of her husband.

“Dean,” Jim began tentatively. “Try to meet her half way,” he encouraged.

“She thought Sammy hurt her Jim,” Dean answered hotly. “He wouldn’t hurt her, not ever.”

“Dean, you’ve known Sam his entire life and you’ve been with him through everything that has happened to him. Julie is still new to this family and she was just being a mother. Her child was in peril and she lashed out … looked for blame because she was scared.”

“It never crossed my mind Jim … I mean I yelled at Sam when he tried to pick her up and then …” Jim chuckled.

“He body checked you in order to get to her,” Jim filled in the blank he knew Dean had left off.

“Yeah,” Dean said with a grin. “He’s never acted like that before. And, after what you told us … about what he remembered from when Catie was born, man, it’s a miracle or something.”

“Talk to your wife Dean,” Jim encouraged. “Never go to bed angry. You love her don’t you?”

“Jim,” Dean admonished.

“Well, do you?”

“Of course.”

“Dean, she was a worried out of her mind mother lashing out. She needed to blame someone or something and Sam happened to be the unlucky winner. Now, don’t forget who was there for you after the car accident. Who sat with Sam and watched over him while you and I were with your Dad?”

“Jules,” Dean answered softly.

“Go talk to her,” Jim encouraged softly. “You know she loves Sammy, too. She was just upset.”

Dean walked into the kitchen and saw Julie sitting at the small kitchen breakfast table wiping tears impatiently from her face. He sat down across from her and put a hand on her knee. “I’m sorry,” he paused. “It’s just what you said to Sammy … what you implied,” he spoke softly. “He’d never hurt Catie and you know it.”

“I know,” she lamented. “Dean, I don’t even know where it came from,” she voiced with trepidation. “I just saw Caitlin and my world stopped. I know Sam would never hurt her,” she paused. “Intentionally, but Dean you forget he isn’t…”

“He’s not what Jules? Normal…” his voice trailed off.

“That’s not what I said …. He has special needs Dean and we both know intellectually and emotionally he’s a child in a man’s body and no matter what he will never be capable of making adult decisions and …”

“Stop, okay?” Dean complained. “I don’t