Summary:  He knew, as sure as he knew that he breathed, he could not loose his big brother to some supernatural deal with a demon.  It was not happening.  This was all a bad dream.
Spoilers:  Coda to "All Hell Breaks Loose - Part 2".
Disclaimer:  All things "Supernatural" belong to Kripke.

Sam Winchester sat staring out the passenger window, his eyes downcast, his coat pulled up tight around his neck. His hands were wringing, fingers pulling and tugging in a twisted circle around each other. He gazed out the window, the stars bright, and the air crisp and clear. His thoughts were fuzzy, his memories of the last 24 hours assaulting him. He realized tonight that his brother was his world, his life, his beginning, and his end. He remembered as child, it was not his dad, but his brother who was there for him. His brother who gave him what he needed, who took care of him, feed him, held him and comforted him. He knew, as sure as he knew that he breathed, he could not loose his big brother to some supernatural deal with a demon. It was not happening. This was all a bad dream.

No words had been spoken since they left the graveyard. The only sound the humming of the Impalas engine, the hard rock blaring from the speakers, Deans hands tapping on the steering wheel. It was amazing to Sam, how Dean could just move on. Was he actually smiling? Sam cast a glance over to the driver’s side of the car. He was smiling!

Sam looked glaringly at his older brother. “You have to be kidding me!! … How can you just act like this is nothing?

Dean sighed and looked over a Sam. “Come on Sammy, we just killed that yellow eyed son of a bitch… life is good.”

“Dean, you made a deal with a demon, how is life so good?”

Dean shrugged his shoulders. “I got the only deal she was giving…”

“You should have never made the deal, ‘what’s dead should stay dead’; you should have left me dead.”

“You can’t be mad at me Sam. I need you not to be mad at me. I made the deal, because I could not loose you, I would not loose you.”

The Impala pulled silently to the curb and Dean put the car in park. He turned to look at Sam, his eyes brimming with tears yet to fall.

Sam looked at Dean, his own eyes welling up with tears. Sam faced scrunched up, his hands began to shake. He was so angry at Dean. This was so wrong.

Letting the anger go in one big breath, Sam said what he felt to the core of his very being. ‘I don’t think I can go on without you Dean.” There it was, plain and simple. The magnitude of it making Dean’s throat constrict, damn he had not thought about that.

Dean moved his hand to rest on Sam’s shoulder looking into his brothers tear rimmed eyes.

“When I saw you fall, when your eyes lost the light and you were lying cold on the ground, I only thought …how can I fix this and make it right. I am sorry, but I had to do it…..You are all I have.”

Sam’s tears rolled lazily down his face splashing on Dean’s sleeve. Sam grimaced and spoke, his voice shaky and low, “And you are all I have…”

Dean cupped his hand around Sammy’s neck, pulling him into his chest. Sam accepted the hug willingly knowing full well Dean did not give them easily. Sam’s entire body began to quiver as silent tears fell down his face. His breath coming out in small gasps as he released the pent up anger, the fear, the shock of this new reality, his brother had one year to live.

Dean held on tight to Sam as he spoke, the tears glimmering down his own face.

“Sammy, I am sorry. It was selfish I know”.

Sam sighed, and rested his forehead on Dean’s. “We have to fix this” he said quietly as he grabbed the back of Dean’s jacket and scrunched it in his fists, sobs wracking his lanky frame.

“I know Sam; I know… I was counting on… I was hoping…there has to be a deal breaker”.

End